Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Losing It

I completely lost it today. Lost it mentally and lost it emotionally on my husband. Financially things have been really difficult since my husband got out of the military. We barely paid our bills last month and this month we are very behind. I am praying with every fiber in my body that we will somehow make it. I knew in my gut things were bad. I kept trying to figure out where our money was going and why we were at the place we were. Truth is, there were bills that were automatically being taken out that we forgot about when budgeting and then it's been slow at work for Mister so his paychecks have been cut in half.

We need $1000.00 in two weeks. 

I put some things up on Craigslist tonight and will continue to go through things to see what we can get rid of. I also thought of donating plasma and will have to figure out the best way to do that since all the locations are about an hour away. 

I just cannot believe we are at this point. I never thought we'd be here. 

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Figuring It Out: Life After the Military

I can't believe that it has been almost two years now since my last blog post. I wasn't sure whether or not that I would ever come back to my blog. I have missed my getaway, my escape from reality which is why I am back. Truth is, this blog is more real than anything that I've done. In the past two years, my husband came home safely from his seven month deployment and a few months later he came home for good. That is unless they call him back from inactive reserves. 
The first few months were odd having him here - in a good and weirdly difficult way. He was trying to adjust to civilian life while also adjusting to living with me and me with him. We went from spending max two months out of three years together and then just like that he was home. It was amazing, but also left me with some separation issues. Even to this day, if he is going to be away for a night, I bawl. How I can go three years apart to one night away and my world is ending is beyond me. For some reason even one night feels like he is leaving to go back. Worst feeling in the world.
After almost a year from when he came home and we moved into our first home together. We had been living with my parents which had its pros and cons. I miss the free rent, but the space was much needed. We love our new home. Once in a while we will look around and one of us will say, "I love our little family. I love our home." If we took anything away from the military it was appreciation. Appreciation for each other, for time, and for what's really important. 
And so here we are. Living in our home still trying to figure life out. Trying to adjust to our life now, but the military is always in the back of our minds. If things get more difficult financially, he'll go back. If he can't find a stable job, he'll go back.  If __________, he'll go back. 

Still trying to figure it out.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Married & All the Rest!

It took having a girl contact me through my blog to realize that I haven't wrote in forever. I've been meaning to, but we all know how that goes. Right now seems like the perfect timing though to start back up under the circumstances.

About a month ago, the boy and I got married! Everything went perfectly. I honestly could have not asked for anything more (well except for my brother to be there). It was a very short ceremony and then the reception was at my house. Only family was invited, but since my brother lives out of state and just got a new job, he wasn't able to fly back home in time. Good thing we're having a vow renewal next year that he can be at!

I did end up going to the Marine Corps Ball about a week before we were married. It was fun dressing up. I felt honored to be there meeting all of Misters higher-ups and getting to know some of the other Marine girls before all the guys would be deploying a few weeks later.

Those few weeks later have passed and yes my husband is currently deployed. It's our fourth deployment, but this one is definitely the longest and lack of communication has made it more difficult. Where he is at, there is no internet and mail comes about once a month. All we have are letters, which I find to be actually really amazing, because with letters, I think you can really grow close to someone and that's what we are planning with this deployment - to grow closer to each other and make something good out of it. I almost feel like I'm back in WW1 with the yellow bow tied around the tree in my front yard and writing love letters every day to him. My goal: give him the most mail out of anyone. I will succeed!

Friday, September 30, 2011

The Break Down.

Here I am sitting in front of my parent’s laptop about to have an emotional breakdown. The past six months have been a rollercoaster for my family and I. Six days after my birthday my grandpa passed away. He’s lived with emphysema for as long as I can remember due to a missing gene in his lungs. We were expecting him to pass, but I wasn’t able to be by his side because I simply could no longer watch him fight for each breath and listen as his lungs were literally mush. A couple days before he passed, I visited him for a couple hours and just bawled as I sat by his side. The whole time I felt anxious and literally wanted to breakdown. I had to leave. I didn’t want to remember him that way. I believe he understands though. I’m just thankful that the last words I muttered to him were, “I love you,” as I kissed him on his forehead and brushed his gray hair. I just really wish he was here…

I was more than blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life. I know he’s in Heaven now breathing in deep breaths and enjoying his time with his older brother and parents. I love and miss you so much grampy… I know that I will see you again. Watch over our family.

On top of my grandpas passing, I’ve been trying to emotionally prepare for my fiancĂ© deploying, as well as us getting married in less than a month. I wish I could tell you what was going to happen on our wedding day, but I have no clue myself. Therefore: stressed. We’re either getting married at my church or a nearby park. We’re either inviting twenty-six people, twenty-four people, twenty-two people or making it strictly parents and us (therefore, eight people). We’re either skipping on a reception or going to a nearby restaurant and hopefully keeping the bill under $600. Basically we’re all either going to go bald from stressing so much or go bald from literally pulling out our own hair. No joke.

I can fully understand why people elope. I get it. I don’t think I could do it without my parents, but I understand why anyone would want to just go off, get married, and not worry what anyone else thinks or says. Weddings are so much stress although most of it I think we bring upon ourselves. At least, that’s what I’m starting to think. I’m beginning to not care what anyone else thinks. I just want to be married already…

& so the emotional breakdown continues.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Ball

We're going! At first Mister told me we wouldn't be able to because tickets were no longer available. He told me he would make it up to me though. Well a little bit ago, he sent me a text telling me to get my dress ready. I was very confused at what he was talking about. Apparently, one of the guys s/o can't go, so he gave the ticket to Mister so I could come! Yay me!!

This will be my first (and last) ball so I really hope that everything goes perfectly!

Does anyone have any advice for me?
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