Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Dog Tags!

Sorry I haven't been able to post much. With the boy home on leave, I've been trying to spend every moment possible with him. I must say, he's quite amazing! His time here though is coming to end shortly next week. I'm scared as hell. I'm not sure when I'll get to see him next. A big part of me thinks it will be a year from now (Christmas 2010). I'm hating the fact that he's in the military and so far away, but I am very proud of him for all of the things he's done. I just wish I was there with him.


Since he's leaving soon, I decided to order some customized dog tags online from the support group I'm in. I'm not sure if I have ever talked about the group in my postings, but they're a major reason why I can get through all have with my marine now, and my ex. The group is for marine support girlfriends, wives and fiancées. If your interested, their link is: here. I know there are a lot of other groups out there that have been known for choice words and yelling and fighting at eachother, but this one is not like that AT ALL! I've had the privledge to get to know a lot of the girls and become friends with them. Everyone is so supportive, its just a great group of girls!

Anyways, back to the dog tags... I decided to customize two dog tags that I can wear [every moment of everyday]. I'm super excited to see them when they are all finished! I was hoping to get them while Mister was home so he could see them, but I dont think thats a possibility anymore. I'll have to show them to him over Skype when he goes back. If your interested in getting your own customized dog tags, the link is: here.

Hope to be able to write again soon! Sorry again that I've been slacking so much lately. After the fourth, I'm sure you will all soon get sick of me I'll have so many posts hehe :)

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Hey everyone! I just wanted to wish you all a VERY Merry Christmas! I know I am extremely blessed to have my Marine home during this time. I know many people out there wish they were in my situation and believe me when I say I am not taking one moment forgranted. For those who can't be with a loved one today: try to find something to make you smile. It may be hard, but you have to remember that no matter the distance, they're still with you in your heart. I'll keep those who are seperated by war in my heart and prayers all throughout the day as always.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Leave + Tree Pictures

Leave so far has been amazing. Im tearing up right now thinking about how much I love him. I find myself wanting to be his wifey even sooner then what we were talking about (engaged in Decemeber 2010). I want him to be forever mine and I know deep in my heart he will, I just want it now!

We got to spend our first night with eachother last night. We didn't get much sleep though. I kept tossing and turning and Mister was wide awake since he's still not use to the time change. It was amazing though just being in his arms. I know tonight, with him at home and me at my house, it's going to suck being in bed alone. I've found that now that I know what it feels like to be in his arms, I never want to be out of them. Having to say goodbye is going to be the hardest thing I've probably ever done... I can't think about that yet though!!
Mister got the pics of our cute tree up on Facebook so I decided to put them on here so you could all see! Like I said, VERY tiny!!
 
 
After the tree is decorated with our ornaments! The bubble wrap was
Mister's idea: it keeps the water thats under the wrapped base from spilling!

Mister and I didn't get the chance to take any new pictures today, however tomorrow we're planning on taking a lot!! My mom is really sick so my Marine and I are going to take over the job of baking Christmas cookies! I'm hoping that his mom will let us bake them at his house so that him and I don't get sick! That would be horrible! Depending on the cookie situation, Mister and I might try to make it down to Stillwater, Minnesota. I love it there. Its a cute small down right by the St. Croix river. We'll see though.


I'll keep you all updated soon :)


Monday, December 21, 2009

Our First Itty-Bitty Christmas Tree!

So Mister and I had a very wonderful day today!
We ended up going to cut down a Christmas tree with his family. While there, we saw the cutest baby tree, not even a foot tall, and decided we needed to get that one for the two of us. We went to Wal-Mart and got some garland for our tree and two ornaments. One for him and one for me. He got a snowman with hockey skates on and I got a music note. We had to find ones that we're light weight because the poor tree probably doesnt even weigh a pound and we didn't want it to limp over. We laughed for a while after the tree was decorated and took pictures next to it. I will post them as soon as I can. They are on his camera.
Just wanted to give you a little post about this fun part of our day today! Hopefully I'll have the chance to write again tomorrow :)

Saturday, December 19, 2009

We Finally Met!!!

Oh my goodness I FINALLY MET HIM!!!
It went perfect! His sister and I made it to the airport about half an hour early, which was good because I got the chance to meet his dad and talk with him and his wife (Mister's stepmom). Then all of a sudden I hear his sister go, "It's him!" and she just runs! Well then I turn over to see him and Oh my goodness, he is one good looking man! I thought he was cute on Skype, holy buckets is he ever! haha. Anywhoo... I turn to his dad and stepmom and ask if they wanted to hug him first and his dad was like, "no you go ahead." So I just stand there waiting until he was done hugging his sister and all of a sudden I just started bawling! I totally broke down in tears and when his sister and him were done I ran up to him and he picked me up and after 5 months, FINALLY I got to be in his arms! Then we kissed and that was PERFECT! I just got chills typing that haha. Nothing beats that feeling! Nothing even comes close!
After the airport, we ended up going to Mall of America so he could do some shopping. His sister and I ended up doing most of the looking though hehe. Every shoe store we passed, we stopped in. We love our shoes, what can we say!? :) Then we went to his house, because his mom, youngest sister and grandparents were waiting there to see him. Right when we pulled up, his mom and his little sister came running out to see him, it was the cutest thing! Then his grandma comes out and I get out of my car. While standing there, his mom tells me his grandma's name. So I go up there to shake her hand and tell her "nice to meet you" and she just goes "call me grandma," gives me a hug and starts bawling in my arms! She kept saying "thank you" over and over again (because apparently Mister hasn't been this happy ever...). We ended up watching movies, having dinner and just talking like one big happy family. It was perfect! Then Mister and I got some alone time and cuddled and ya! haha.
I am so beyond happy! I love that boy with all of my heart and can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.
If you have someone you're waiting for and it hurts, just remember that the wait is totally worth it! I waited for mine and now he's finally home and its been the best day of my life :)
I can finally say, "Girlfriend of a United States Marine!"

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Finals/Update!

Sorry I haven’t been posting recently. I usually try to at least once a day, but with finals, time has been hard to come across. I finally feel at ease with how much I’ve studied for my final that’s later today (35 hours thank you very much!) and so I think I desire to be able to sit down, relax, and write a little bit! So much has happened that I’m going to write two posts. One that’s an update and another that is me venting a little bit… update first…

Like I said this week has been crazy. Monday I had a final… that I missed!! I bawled my eyes out. My professor was nice enough to let me make it up, but with a 20% grade decrease on the test. It sucks, because I could’ve easily got an A in the class, but it’s obviously a lot better that I could take the test with the decrease, rather than not being able to.
With finals being this week and Mister coming home tomorrow (o my gosh!) I haven’t had much time to fix up the house or get ready for it. I am so behind in all of the things I need to do/get. I almost like the fact that I have a lot to do though, because I know that it will go by faster. At least that’s what I’m hoping for. I am so nervous to finally meet him. I don’t know if these butterflies are in my tummy because I have to get 70% (140/200 pts) on my final today in order to pass my math class or because I’m so nervous to finally meet my Marine. It’s an odd thing being able to feel the way I do for someone I’ve never met. It’s an even stranger feeling to know that they actually exist and that I’ll be meeting him soon. I know these next 20 days are going to be really important for us. It will determine what is going to happen in the future with us.

In 17 hours I will be meeting him… :) I’ll be sure to fill you in!

Off to do some lots of cleaning!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

That Time Of Year

So it's that time of year... and I'm not talking about Christmas. I'm talking about FINALS! That word is the reason why I haven't blogged for a couple of days and also the reason why you may not hear from me again for a few more. My math final is what I'm terrified most of. I have 79% in the class (math is no where near my strong point) and the final is worth 200 points. I basically have to get 140/200 on the final to pass my math class. I'm kind of freaking out. So far I have studied for over 15 hours! I still have 5 more chapters that I want to cover to make sure I know all of the material. I want to cry.
For more exciting news, my Marine asked me today what I thought about getting a promise ring. This is so cute and I'm really excited yet also am nervous.
 
I'm one a roll with some math equations and don't want to get distracted! :)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Met His Mom And Sister!!

I finally met Mister's mom and sister last night. I was beyond terrified. I was so nervous and shaking. My mom had to tell me to breathe. We ended up arriving at Potbelly (where we met) about 15 minuets early. We left really early because the weather was horrible. Basically the first snow of the season! So while we waited, my mom and I played games on napkins. It was fun. :)

When they first got there I wasn't really sure how to greet them. Do I give hugs? Do I shake their hand? Or do I just stand there and wave? I probably looked really confused and was so nervous that I can't even tell you what I did haha.

We got our food and sat down and within the first ten minuets, I texted my Marine saying, "I love them!" and boy do I ever! We all have so much in common. Our families are VERY similar. My mom and his mom kept saying, "I love doing that too!" while his sister and I kept saying, "I'm the same way!" It was great :) I got to hear some really cute stories about my Marine and I brought up the idea of having to see his baby pictures and videos. They LOVED that! They even invited me over to their house before he gets home just to watch them, thats how great we clicked!

After talking for over two hours, we finally decided we should head home, we knew the roads probably sucked and didn't want them to get too bad (which they already were). I looked at my phone and saw I had two texts from my man. One said, "I have very good news to tell you on skype about your little meeting with my mom and sis." The other one said, "This is a first!!" I quick texted him back wanting to know what was going on, but he wouldnt tell me, he wanted to wait until we Skyped.

So I got home and rushed to my computer. Apparently, his mom loves me. YAY! And for the first time ever, his sister approves! I can't tell you how much of a relief that is :) I was so nervous that they wouldn't like me. I wasn't too nervous about his mom, but I knew that his sister would be the real test. She means more to him than life itself (which I love).

I'm just so happy. Things are really starting to fall into place. I needed a little peice of him last night. It really lifted our spirits after our fight early this week. I fell even more in love with that boy. :) While talking last night, he brought up the idea of going to look for rings! Neither of us see an engagement or anything right now, just for the future. Since he'll be in Japan probably until next decemeber before he comes home, he wants to have an idea of what I like and would want. I'm so happy :) I can't wait, 9 more days and I'll be in his arms [happy tears].

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Being A Downer

So today I just find myself being all down and empty feeling. Maybe part of it was because I saw the movie Brothers and I guess the fact that Mister and I were fighting the past couple of days doesn't help much either. Today was much, much better for us though. No arguments thank goodness. I think him and I are emotionally drained from the situation though. It's a tough one that him and a lot of other people just don't understand. No one really gets my point of view. Everyone just assumes there is still love-feelings for my past, when it really just comes down to me wanting to help someone who is going through a lot right now. Just being a caring person who wants to help someone in need. Thoughts swarm my head about him hurting himself down the road which brings me to the thought of what if I'm the only person he can turn to. I just don't want to have to live with regret one day. I don't want to have to find out something happened to him and know that I was someone that shut him out of my life. I dont want that to happen again, because I'm not sure what I would do. It's hard.

Our solution is basically to eliminate the problem, the problem being my ex. I know it goes much deeper than that (we have different views on ex's and whether or not to stay in contact), but I'm not sure if that's something him and I can work on while he's there and I'm here. I'm hoping that our solution to the problem in time will get easier. I'm hoping that I forget about him, although I know your memory just doesn't erase. Time heals, but you never forget... I hate that.

I've been thinking a lot today about seeking a counselor. I've thought about seeking one for six years now and have yet to finally go somewhere and be like " I need help." In the past I've always had a clear reason on why I knew I needed to see one. Whether it was dealing with my friends death or a sexual assault experience that happened two years ago or all of the other crap that I've gone through in my short years. Maybe I'll look into going to a Christian based one to see if I like it... I've said that many times before though in the past six years.

I think right now I just really want Mister to be home and I'm feeling empty because he isn't here. I'm longing for his touch. I just want to be held and told that everything is going to be okay. It just sucks because when your in a long distance relationship you can't hold the other person after you've fought. All you can do is comfort eachother with words when really all you want is a big hug and to be held. I will definitely be cherishing every hug while he's home. I don't think everyone really understands the impact of being able to physically touch their signficant other. It is a very important piece that no matter what technology you use today whether skype or text messaging, nothing will give you that sensation and warmth that a touch brings.

BTW! I'm sorry, I know that I've been leaving out some information in the past couple of messages, but for right now I want to keep it all between him and I and some close friends. The whole situation is long and complicated anyways and I wouldn't want to bore you with a five page post...

Monday, December 7, 2009

Messed Up

So the past couple of nights have been rough with Mister and I. I made the mistake of going back on a promise and dealt with the consequences of that mistake. I've been an emotional wreck the past couple of days, but I have a feeling and am keeping my fingers crossed that today will be a better day. So far, today seems like a normal day before my stupidness, which is good. I know I have to gain his trust back in this area of my life and let the past be the past. I'm tired of living my life and letting these things happen when its convenient to a certain someone. I need to say goodbye to that person forever and see where my future goes with my Marine. I can only see good things. I know that every couples have their mistakes and ups and downs, I'm just glad that even though he's thousands of miles away we can still get through times like these. He's amazing and I love him with all of my heart. 10 more days until I'm in his arms. Need him here so bad and I know that he needs to see me to know that I am serious about him and truely sorry. This next week and a half needs to hurry up and get here!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Webcam Lovin

So I know my title of this blog may sound a little naughty (or maybe my mind is just in the gutter) but it's not naughty, I promise!


Last night, after waking up to get some water, I texted Mister to say hi. He called me and I told him I wanted to talk on Skype a little bit before going back to bed. So we got on and started talking. In the midst of our conversation, I decided that I wanted to tell him that I loved him... You see, I hadn't told him that yet. He's said those three words to me, but I hadn't said them in return. A part of me wanted to wait until we were in person and another part of me wanted to wait until it wasn't a cute moment so that I knew for sure; he understood that and was okay with me waiting until I was comfortable and ready. Well, after waiting for a while I got to the point where I wanted to say it back SO bad. I just didn't want to wait anymore. So I figured a cute way to do that, with me being as present as possible, would be to tell him over Skype. I wanted him to be able to feel like I was there in a way. So I told him I needed to tell him something that I had been thinking of for a while (this freaked him out a little bit hehe) and sent him the first part of the blog that I wrote yesterday ("A Part Of My Life"):

“I have come to love blogging and all that comes with it. For me, it's insanely addicting and now a part of my life. It's my outlet on my feelings and a way to share my experinece with the world and whoever wants to listen. I see myself one day blogging about Kyle and I getting an apartment or the day we get married... Yes, I just said that! I know him and I haven't met yet, but it feels sooo right. I've never felt such a comfort to be able to be myself around someone, ever. He told his mom he thinks I'm "the one" [tearing up]. I love him...”

 
He loved it :) You should have seen his face light up. It was like a little kid receiving the coolest present ever on Christmas morning, but better!

When he was finished reading the post and I saw his reaction, my hands were SHAKING! He had always told me that when I told him, he would know if I was serious or not by the way I said it and how I reacted. I was terrified that he'd be watching my reaction and use it as a testing matter to see if I meant it or not. I didn't want him thinking that I was just saying it to say it. He could tell right away that I meant it though. He even said the fact that I said it with no make-up made it more real, I thought it just made me ickier but if he likes it then I'm okay with it :)

A Part Of My Life

I have come to love blogging and all that comes with it. For me, it's insanely addicting and now a part of my life. It's my outlet on my feelings and a way to share my experinece with the world and whoever wants to listen. I see myself one day blogging about Mister and I getting an apartment or the day we get married... Yes, I just said that! I know him and I haven't met yet, but it feels sooo right. I've never felt such a comfort to be able to be myself around someone, ever. He told his mom he thinks I'm "the one" [tearing up]. I love him...

My Marine really doesn't know about how much I talk about him on here, although I don't think he'd mind much at all. Do your men know? He knows that I have the blog, but I refuse to give him the URL haha. This is my journal and I don't think I'm ready yet for anyone to view it that I know... isn't that odd? The fact that I find myself more willing to open up to people I've never met before then to my friends that I've grown up with. I find it strange, but I guess thats how I've always been. He has seen a few posts though and loves them, so thats good! He saves them to look at when he's down. I think as time goes on, I'm going to make my blog into a book for him and I. I just think its a great way to be like, "Look how far we've come." I love it :)

Thursday, December 3, 2009

My Soon To Be Cold Expert

Soo GREAT news! Mister has been very stressed out the past couple of days (thats not the good news..keep reading haha). He's been at the range for his yearly shooting extravaganza where they test how good you are. I forget what its called exactly hehe. Anyways, he did great the first day, but it didnt count. It was just prequal. The next two days, not so good and of course those were the days that counted. He thought for sure he wasn't going to even make expert. Today was his last day shooting and out of 80 he could only miss 6. He ended up only missing one and is considered expert still! :) Sooo proud of him! I kept telling him that all he needed to do was put his faith in God and give the situation up to Him and everything will work out the way its suppose to! I'm a happy girl and so beyond happy for him! Now he might be able to make corporal before his birthday, what a great birthday present that would be :)



In other news, it is getting quite cold here. Not sure how my Marine's body is going to be able to handle it. He'll be going from a beautiful 70 degree weather...to not even 20. I'm telling you, ITS COLD! I've lived in the cold place my whole life and I have yet to get use to the cold winters here. It will only get worse though, not looking forward to the -5 degrees with windshields of -30. Hopefully it'll be nice weather for when Mister is home..O goodness cannot wait!! I guess all that means is lots of coffee, cuddling, and blankets :)

I don't own this picture, neither did the person who's
website I found it from, but I thought it was
pretty..  reminds me of the winters here!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I Am A Military Girlfriend Poem

So I found this on another girls site..its a poem written about military girlfriends, and I feel that it is SO true! Not every girl or every guy can handle a relationship in the military. It's harder than any other relationship that you'll ever be in. It is out of love, support, communication, trust, respect, and caring...along with many more things... that these relationships last. Here's the poem...just wanted to share it with all of you!


I am a military girlfriend... I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no Military ID card; I am not a dependent or a parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers and I am at the mercy of those who possess this recognition for news. I understand this and accept this.

I have promised to be here for him upon his return no matter how long he is away. They may say I am insane for making such a commitment, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe. I know well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.

There is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment, though I love him no less for it. I hope every day that he will be able to call because a simple 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief communication where I love you and I’m okay speaks more than volumes and gives me the strength to keep going.

I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, and every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off and start a new day.

The events of the next several months hold my life, my love, and my future in the balance. When you watch the news reports, you may turn away and go about your business relatively unaffected. When I watch news stories of the war, I do not see nameless soldiers half a world away. I see individuals who will be forever changed by war. News of every casualty causes me physical pain and deep sadness.

I am a military girlfriend. Not a spouse or family member. When you say your prayers for the husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, sons and daughters…please don’t forget about me.

If you think being a Marine is tough, try loving one. If you think Marine's are strong, you should look at their girls.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Past Couple Of Days

So I know I've been MIA for a few days, the past couple of days I've been super busy. I have started to redue my room. I hadn't done anything with it since I was about 13, so Mister coming home motivated me to do some updates. I'm planning on uploading before and after pictures when its all done.

About him going to Iraq... We found out that he isn't going, yet at least. Seven guys out of the thirty from his shop are though and so I'm thinking that it's going to be only a matter of time. There's word that its going to be September of next year, but I have a feeling it will be sooner. We will see.

I know I'm late, but I hope all of your Thanksgivings went well. Mine was just fine. It was great seeing the family. I missed my Marine though, but thankful he's in my life. Him and I will have our "first" Thanksgiving together one year. I'm just thankful everyone in my life is safe and well.

Until next time...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Waiting

It's two in the morning and I'm sitting here shaking... Mister just texted me to let me know that they are bringing people up one by one to tell them if they're going to Iraq. My heart is racing. Tears are forming. A million things are running through my head, the main one: please dont be on the list to go. Every possible scenario is flashing through my head. Panic. Every text he sends seems like it might be the one that say's he's going. Every moment that passes seems like the it might be the moment that he's being told he's leaving.


Praying...

Monday, November 23, 2009

Visiting and War

Tonight was a good night. My Marine and I talked about visiting him in Japan around July 2010. Ugh that sounds so far away. Mainly, because it is. If I visit him in July, he'd be able to come home for a month in December 2010 (that is if they grant him leave) and then four month after that, his two years in Japan will be over! That will be a glorious day :) I do however want to take advantage of the fact that I now have a reason to go to Japan. I dont think I would've ever thought of going there until he told me how goregous it is. Take a look for yourself:


In less than eight months I will be laying on the
beautiful beaches of Okinawa!
 
Yes, it is beautiful...
In other news, a couple nights ago Mister told me that a man came into his shop and asked all of them if they'd want to go to Iraq or not (they only need a certain number of guys to go). War... now thats a scary word. I know deep in my heart that if he doesn't go while he's in Japan, the moment he gets back into the states they're going to ship him off overseas, which is possibly the scariest thought in the world. I'm worried it could come sooner than that though. Obama is thinking about sending 30,000-40,000 more troops over to Afghanistan and I dont want my Marine to be one of them. Selfish of me? Possbily. I know its their job and if he does go, I'll be home waiting for him and supporting him. That's what we all need to do, support our troops.

I'm exhausted and worn out though. Off to bed early tonight...

Sunday, November 22, 2009

"Time To Cut The Cord..."

The other night I did something that I never thought I would do... After a five hour conversation with Kyle, a lot of tears and Kleenex’s, I finally ended all communication with my ex. After just writing that, that sounds horrible to me, but its how it went. I'm embarrassed that my ex has such a hold on me. I'm embarrassed that it's this hard to say goodbye. I feel a deep pit in my stomach. Emptiness. I'm sad that I feel that I just lost a person that once was my everything. Key word: once. However, I'm proud of myself for taking care of me. I cut off what was holding me back all this time. I finally ended all ties to a person that hurt me more than words can describe. I feel free, but I am scared. I pray that I'm strong enough to keep this going. I pray I won’t give in. It’s not an option. If I were to text or call him I know it would become more of a problem than it already was.


It's weird. Ever since him and I broke up, his physical appearence disgusts me. I've looked at his pictures and I'm just like "dusche bag." Yet its the emotional attachment that I've carried for almost two years now that gets me. I'm not sure that I know how to let go... but its something I have to learn. I have to find a way to let go.

I feel horrible for Mister. He's everything I want in someone and more. He has every quality I want in someone, and yet he has to deal with all of this. He's strong. He hates it, but we're working on it together. When I finally sent the text to my ex about not having anymore communication, the look on my Marine's face was pure relief. He's proud of me. My family and friends are proud of me. I can't let them down. I'm not sure if it was something that I'd ever be ready for, but I know it was well overdue. Like my mom said, "It was time to cut the cord."

Thursday, November 19, 2009

A Piece Of Closure

My ex texted me today. Apparently, he was bored. It's funny.. he called and texted me nonstop while he was in NC, then came home for two weeks..didn't hear a peep from him, and now that he's back in NC he decides to talk to me. What's up with that? Ugh, I don't even know.

Anyways, him and I actually had a very good talk today. Probably one of our best since the break up. During our conversation I asked him a quesiton that I had always been wondering and I finally got an answer to it. Now do I believe what his answer was? Not completely sure... its one of those situations where there's been so many shady things that I know longer know whether he is telling me the truth or if its just another lie. Truth or lie, it doesnt matter to me. I asked the question and it was something that I dont have to think about anymore. It was just one more step to closure.

I feel bad at times for Mister. Here is this amazing guy that I'm falling hard for and yet he has to deal with this ex crap. It makes me feel like a bad person at times. He knows all about it. He knows when I've talked to him and I tell him what we talk about. Before my ex even came home from Afghanistan, I told Mister I was scared and that part of me will always care for him since he was at one point my best friend. I feel like I can't not talk to my ex, because he's going to Afghanistan again soon and if something was to happen to him and I blew him off, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I talk to him for closure, for answers that I never got. I know I never have to explain myself and try to make you all see my side and thats not what this last little part is about. It's just some more thoughts that have been floating around in my head. At time goes on, I hope I can really give my Marine my whole heart, he deserves it.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Our First Attempt At A Movie Night

Last night, Mister and I tried to watch our very first movie over Skype! I had found a really great link to watch a movie online. The movie came in perfect, I was so impressed! So I sent him the link and waited until he got to 6:01 in the time frame. Here comes the part where I said we TRIED to watch movie... There were so many people online at his base that the movie would not buffer for crap! So we're going to try again on Friday/Saturday. Hope the next time works!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

New Opportunities and I'm Terrified!

So I've been away for the past few days, I'm sorry. I've tried to find time to sit down and write, because I feel like I have SO MUCH to say, but with school and working it's been impossible.
I talked to Mister's mom for the first time on Skype the other day. It went pretty well. She said she approves! This is very good news :) She ended up asking me if I would like to have a girls day with her and his sister. They want to get to know me a little bit before his sister and I drive down to meet up with him at the airport. I was completely caught off gaurd by this opportunity, but knew that I couldn't say no. If I said no, then they would've felt like I didn't want to get to know them, which I really do! So we came up with an idea of having me, my mom, Mister's mom, and his sister to all go bowling and out for dinner. I swear this is all backwards, but its so much fun at the same time! I haven't even met my Marine in person yet and I'm meeting his family before I meet him! How crazy! I will definitely have to let you know how that goes. I'm extremely nervous and keeping my fingers crossed that it goes smoothly!
In other news, Mister found out that he might be able to make the rifle team and come back to the states. I'm so excited for him!! I know it would mean the world to him, because his dad is really big into hunting and all he's ever wanted to do is to make his dad proud of him. It breaks my heart. I'm so proud of him though :) It would also mean that I would have the opportunity to see him more often, which makes me one very happy girl!! He was also picked with five other guys to be a demolition instructor for foreign nationals! Its a very dangerous job because he will be teaching foreign countries how to properly demo things, meanwhile, they hardly know any English! I'm praying that my Marine stays safe and that all goes well. I need him safe and sound and I know that this is a very big opportunity for him. Please keep him in your prayers. He will be going to Thailand in Feburary for a few weeks which is when he will be doing his instructing.

I really have no other big news. I'm just trying to stay focused on homework and not fall behind in school. I've really been slacking this past month. I've just been so busy! Can't let myself slide, got to keep up...off to homework...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Special Four Words

NOTE: to keep my relationship with my Marine as confidential as possible, I will refer to him as "Mister". Just one of the many nicknames I have for him. Thank you for understanding!

I'm lucky enough to be dating someone right now who is willing to do whatever it takes to help me deal with things that I've been through. I've dated possibly the worst guys you could, and I've made many bad decisions that I'm not proud of. There's a lot of things that have happened in the past, that affect me and my relationship and yet he comforts me with the four words that I've learned to treasure the most so far, "It's you and me".

A few weeks ago, my Marine and I had a discussion on skype about my exboyfriend coming back from Afghanistan soon. I told him I feared that he would be coming home with the intentions of possibly trying to get back together. At one moment during the conversation, I couldn't even look at him, I was crying so hard. I wiped the tears from my eyes as he told me to look at him. He said, "Baby, I'm here for you. If you need anything let me know. I'd do anything in my power to help you. It's you and me. Remember that, you and me." It was exactly what I needed. He knew the words to say to calm me down and to make me realize even more just how perfect he really is for me. To anyone the whole "its you and me" thing, may sound dumb. But those words are something that I've learned to cherish and are words we bring up whenever one of us are lonely and down.

About two weeks after our conversation, my exboyfriend came home from Afghanistan and contacted me. I never really had full closure from him. It was a nasty ending to a relationship that neither of us ever really talked about. So the other day, him and I talked for the first time about details and situations and how bad he really did hurt me. Even though, it took him to be drunk to have the conversation and it may not be something he fully remembers, I feel that I got so much closure and so many questions out that I've been holding in for nearly six months.

My ex could never give me what I have with my Mister. I'm so blessed to have him in my life. At times, I really feel like he was a blessing from God. He's made me realize that the idea of the "perfect man" for me, really does exist...

There was something I remember looking back at and just having a "ah ha!" moment. Whenever I think about it, it still gives me goosebumps and pleases me with the biggest smile on my face. There was a guy that I was interested in before my Marine and I started talking [again]. He ended up "changing his mind" about me, but before we stopped talking, he told me that he was going to pray for me. He said that I deserved the best and that he was going to pray that I would meet that perfect guy. Not even two weeks later, I started talking to my Marine again and shortly after that, I realized he's perfect! :)

Monday, November 2, 2009

"I Owe Nothing To You!"

There is this great invention I used today. Infact, I use it about everyday. It goes by the name Skype and if you're in a long distance relationship then you will understand when I say it magically lets you talk to someone far, far away and makes it as if you were there beside them. I have looked into his eyes almost everyday even though he's in Japan. I've even fallen asleep to him playing guitar, all thanks to this wonderful computer device.

Because of Skype, my Marine and I have grown closer to each other than anyone could understand. I wish people could see how we are, how crazy I am for him. I wish they could see the way that I look at him and the way that he looks at me, like I'm the most precious thing he's ever seen. Instead, people tell me the love will fade, that Skype will become boring, and that he's just another guy in uniform. I can't escape my past with this one. This is my second military relationship. My first one was with a guy who I had been very close with for two years and who ended up breaking my heart. Like the instant of a flash, one moment I was "engaged"and the next: him and I were nothing.

It took me a long time to even look at a guy after that relationship. For the first time in my life, I decided that I needed to do things my way. I placed goals in my heart to keep me occupied and for the first time I was doing things for me. I started working out almost everyday and focused on school work, trying to improve my GPA. I remember at times feeling like my life was better than it had ever been, but then there were the times that I dwelled about the past. I'd find myself outside while everyone was asleep and just cry, that way no one could hear how much pain I felt. I would look at the stars, the same ones I knew my ex was looking at and ask, "Why?" Sometimes I might have been screaming, I'd be crying so hard. Thats the first time I've ever told anyone that...

Then my Marine came along and things weren't easy right away. I fought my feelings for him. I fought hard. But how can you deny something when it's so right? Eventually I let my guard down and let him in. Sometimes in love you have to take risks, you have to know that you could get hurt. Thats what I'm doing, living my life, taking risks, so that when I look back a few years from now, I know that I don't regret anything. Already I can tell you I don't regret him. He was the answer to my prayers.

The comments will still come; they stab me deep. I can't go back into time and erase that military relationship. Even if I could, I wouldn't, because I learned so much from it. For those who talk, yet say are my friends, go and talk. This is the situation I'm in, I'm falling hard for a man in the Marines, who is on the other side of the world. I can't say I'm sorry about it either. I'm starting to realize that I have nothing to explain anymore. That I don't need everyone's acceptance. "My past is my past and my relationship is mine, I owe nothing to you." -a quote taken from a message to a friend that doesn't support Kyle and I dating.

43 Days

In 43 days I'll be at the airport waiting for him to come off the plane so I can run into his arms. It's something I've been day dreaming about everyday for the past two and a half months. This is starting to become real, this man really does exist. He's a real person that I've been talking to which is something I think I'm finally just starting to grasp...

I met my Marine about two years ago on Facebook. When we first started talking I thought nothing about it. It was some good looking guy that just wanted to talk to me. For a while thats all that it was. Him and I stopped talking a few weeks after we started. Apparently, it was because I found out he was a Marine (I dont think that's why, but he insists that's what happened). A year and a half later, after experiencing some serious relationships that left me bruised and broken hearted, he entered my life again and hasn't left since. I knew he was different after our "second" first conversation with me. Jesus is a huge part of my life and without knowing that he randomly said, "You should know that God is my everything. He's my life. I've drifted away from God a little bit while being stationed here in Japan, but am working on his and my relationship." Tears about formed in my eyes after reading that. This guy was different and I needed to get to know him. I've come to realize over the next two and a half months that this Marine is everything I want in someone and more. He's my best friend.

In 43 days, we'll finally meet. The Marine I talk to every night on Skype before bed is actually a real person that I'll soon be able to hold. I'm picking him up at the airport with his sister that I've never even met yet... wish me luck with that... and will be jumping into his arms. There's nothing like that feeling. This isn't a "usual" relationship by any means, but it's our relationship.
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