Thursday, January 28, 2010

A Letter To My Deployed Marine:

This is a letter I wrote to my Marine just a few minuets ago. I've been having a hard night tonight missing him and instead of writing a post about it, I figured the best way to describe all that I'm feeling right now was to simply copy my message onto here. So here goes nothing...

Hey pooh bear, it’s your baby girl. I’m really missing you right now. My heart is really longing to see you. I’m staying strong. I’ve been listening to our music and at your gift trying to get the comfort that I hope it brings to you one day. It is working a little bit, but in a way makes me miss you even more… I hope that my gift isn’t a backfire… haha. I just want to be with you and be in your arms. I know that day will come again soon. I can’t wait! There are 20 more days of this deployment and about 114 days until your back home. I like to think positively and say we’re kicking this deployments ass :) haha

Oh my goodness I can’t wait until your back home again. I think about that moment all the time: I’ll be on my way to picking you up at the airport and shortly after, sitting in a chair impatiently waiting. Eventually you’ll make your way down those escalators and once you pass those doors I’ll be running into your arms. It makes me tear up just thinking about it… You thought I cried the last time, just you wait mister! I’m going to be a mess! You’re worth it though. Every moment of distance, every day of waiting, and every emotion of longing; it’s all worth it.

I need you baby. I need you in my life. I need you to share memories with me and tell me when I’m wrong and hold me when I’m scared. I need you tell me everything is okay when I can’t see past something and wipe my tears when im worried. When it comes to my stressed times, I'll understand if you dont want to be around me haha. I want to cross every single thing off that list of ours and yet continue to add to it as time goes by. I want our “bucket list” completed and to have experienced so much together. When it comes to you and me, I want us to do everything we want in life. No "what ifs", just memories!

No matter where you go after Japan, I will be right by your side. It won’t have to be months, but weeks until the next time. My goodness, I can’t wait for that! I will be with you the day your contract is up and if for some reason you re-enlist, I will be backing you up 100%. I want you happy. I want you doing something you enjoy. I want us living our lives together however that may be… whether it’s at an apartment, a house, or on base. My support is with you always. I dont need anything, but your love.

Stay strong baby and know I will love you always. Remember, as long as I’m in your heart, I’m with you. So even though as your reading this, you may not see me there, I am. All you have to do is close your eyes.

I love you so much. Words can’t explain. You are my everything. I Love you Babers…

-You boo bear.



Today I'm down. I've been so busy lately, that I feel like I haven't had the time to breathe. My body is just moving in a repetitive motion. Just keeps going. I hate it.

Mister is still gone, I miss him. I realized though that even if he was in Japan right now, how much we talk wouldn't be that much different, like I said, I've been really busy. It's weird. I don't feel him. I'm trying to feel him, but no matter what I tell myself, I can't. I miss his voice and I love you's. I miss the way he talks to me and stares at me. The last couple of times we've talked he seems so distant. I'm not sure what's wrong. I ask if he's okay and he says he is, but something in his voice tells me otherwise. I think he's just lonely and tired of being gone already. I just need him to be upbeat for a conversation. I long for a happy conversation...

21 more days left of stupid Thailand.

I'm off to look at my present to him. Maybe it will bring me happiness like its meant to bring him.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Sound Of His Voice...

Yesterday was just overall a hard day. I had to say "see you later" to Mister again. He left for Thailand. The thing is, I didn't get to technically say goodbye. We were texting and twenty minuets before he was to board his plane, I accidently fell asleep! When I woke up realizing what happened, I broke down in tears. I felt absolutely horrible. I texted him a bunch of times and wrote about five messages on Facebook in the hopes that he'd get something... no such luck. I went to bed in hopes that maybe I'd wake up with something on my phone. Nothing. I understand that it was only the first day and figured that I probably wouldn't be able talk to him for a little bit since he was probably settling in and had no access to anything.

So today I went to work with the thought that I wasn't going to hear from him at all again. Work was sooo slow. I ended up getting cut. When I got home, I went to my computer to write him a message and looked over to our fish... one of them was dead! It was quite sad. I figured it was just another thing to add to the sucky-ness of the last couple days. I headed over to DunnBros to do some studying. About two hours into reading, I see my phone lite up. AND GUESS WHO IT WAS! My baby! He was calling. :) When I heard his voice I instantly was brought to tears. I needed to hear him... We've never not talked. Ever since we've started talking almost six months ago, we've talked everyday..minus a few days in the beginning. This deployment is definitely going to make us stronger. I'm sure of it!

I just wanted to share with you my excitement of finally hearing his voice. It gave me the strength to keep strong. I love that boy...

Monday, January 18, 2010


Mister leaves this friday for training in Thailand. This is technically our second deployment together (not your typical afghanistan/Iraq deployment), but this time we might not be able to talk for a month. I dont think it has settle in yet about how hard that would be or that, that's even a possibility. I keep thinking that he'll have service for his phone or that he will have internet service, but that isn't certain. Even if he has service for his phone, it might be roaming which we found out the hard way is extremely expensive. Poor baby went back to Japan with almost a thousand dollar phone bill... not okay!!
I'm going to write him everyday on Facebook, just to tell him how my day went. I really hope that he'll be able to read them and be okay while he's deployed. I know how his thoughts can play with his head at times and am hoping that he'll be fine. Pray for us that we'll have some kind of connection while he's away..!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Crazy Life Of Mine

The past few days have been pretty hectic. I feel like I haven't had much time for myself the past couple of days and I'm one of those people that needs to get away from everything from time to time. Everyday I need a little space and distance from the rest of the world. I'm glad that tonight I got the chance to sit down and write. I needed to blog.

Since Mister has been back in Japan, he seems to be doing a lot better these past couple of days. The first few we're rough on him. He was having a hard time adjusting to the idea of being away from me and just stupid thoughts that we're filling his head. He worries himself a lot to the point where he can't control this thoughts or feelings at the moment. That worries me and it's something that I'm trying to work on with him -whether he knows that or not, I'm not sure. The way I'm doing this is just by having him voicing his concerns instead of him bottling them up that way we can talk about it and make it better. So far it's been working very nicely. If you have any other suggestions, that'd be greatly appreciated!

Him and I are doing quite well. Him being gone obviously sucks but we are making the best out of the situation. He leaves soon for Thailand. I'm not very excited for that at all. He was told that they have internet access, but we're not very sure how "good" of internet it is. Skype might be out of the question for a month or so. Hopefully he'll be able to check his Facebook though, because that's how we're hoping to communicate if Skype doesn't work. When it comes to the military, sometimes you have to expect the worst and hope for the best. Right now we're expecting not being able to talk to eachother for a month. That makes me sad...

On a happy note: Three different types of food, a new addition (talk about that in a second), an hour or two of research, and a countless number of runs to Wal-Mart and the nearby pet store...Fish is finally eating!!! I can't believe I have put so much effort into one little thing that cost four dollars (ended up being about a $30 dollar fish after all the things I've bought in order to get the thing eating). At first I tried different food, he had no interest in any of it. Then I got him a buddy (new edition)! His name is Chugger and he is a goldfish. He's WILD! Always going around in circles, swimming backwards, and having fun making bubbles. After the new edition, I started heating up the water and watching it's temp. and all of sudden, he's eating! I'm not sure what factor helped him or if any of them even had a impact, but he's eating and is well and that's all I care about! :)

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


So Mister and I got a fish this past Sunday. We named him Fish.. haha. Anyways, he will not eat and it is driving me crazy! I'm suppose to take care of him and make sure that he lives while my babe is away and he is not helping me out here! I got him everything he needs including three different types of food (thinking maybe he just doesnt like the first kind I got) but no, he still wont eat! Mister says I need to give him time and wait it out. That Fish is probably stressed from changing homes and what not.

It's funny, because I realized I'm definitely a Marine's girlfriend when I related Fish's changing homes to bootcamp or a Marine being away from home. Am I sad or what? haha. Here's a picture of our first little pet :)


He's quite adorable if you ask me!

Not Wanting To Sleep

I miss him... I dont feel good and it's well past the time that I should've been in bed by and yet I find myself not wanting to sleep. I know sleep usually makes the time go by fast, but I'm trying to avoid the moment where I lay in bed and think about how he isn't here anymore. A part of me feels numb, like it hasn't completely hit me yet. However, I think it's starting to slowly sink in. Mister called me a little bit ago to tell me he had arrived at the Tokyo airport. I was so excited to finally hear from him. I needed to hear his voice. We both agreed after a few minuets of talking on the phone that we should text so he could save money (its expensive for us to talk on the phone) and then he would call me right before I went to bed. While saying goodbye so we could text, I found myself choking up inside and wanting to cry. I kept it together though and stayed strong. I need to be strong for him.
A part of me wonders how I should balance being strong for him and the wanting to cry. I don't want him feeling like I don't miss him. Of course I miss him. I missed him the moment my arms came undone from him neck and my feet turned the opposite direction and walked away. I want him to know I miss him without him feeling horrible about it. I need him to be okay and I know that leaving home and going back was probably one of the hardest things he's ever had to do. I just feel so bad and miss him like crazy. Got to be strong for him... but not too strong that he thinks this is a piece of cake for me, but not strong enough that it creates drama and he feels horrible. Ugh!

Monday, January 4, 2010

"It's See You Later..."

I just got home from the airport. I just saw my man off to the other side of the world. What a horrible feeling it is to know that I'm not going to feel his touch for possibly a year. He still isn't sure when he will be home next. Christmas 2010 for sure (can't say "for sure" since nothing in the military is a "for sure" thing until it's actually happening...thats a whole different blog) and depending on whether or not he has enough leave time, he'll possibly come home in May for his birthday. Having the chance to finally meet him has been the best experience of my life. I have been given the opportunity to spend many amazing nights falling asleep in his arms and many amazing days enjoying his company. I don't think I've ever been myself around someone like I am with him. Something about this is SO completely different then anything I've ever experienced before. Maybe it's because its an actual relationship and it's mature.

I already miss his touch, miss his smell, and miss holding him. I know these next months are going to be hard, but in my heart I know that with God we can make it through this. Like his mom and sister said, "This doesn't get easier, but the hardest part is done." Now that the hardest part is done, I feel like it's right back to how it was before. Long nights on Skype and crazy time differences. I think him and I are going to have to come up with another idea for a date night. So far we've just played movies and started them at the same time and then stayed on Skype so it was almost like we were watching it together. May sound funny, but it's one of our favorite things to do :) If you have any ideas about any other possible dates over Skype, comment this! I would really love to hear your ideas!

I have exciting news! Yesterday the Marine and I went engagement ring shopping! Well, not really ring shopping, more like engagement ring looking hehe. Since he doesnt really know when he's going to be home next, he wanted to see what kind of ring I want so that if he isn't home for a while and all is well he can propose! Eeekk! We figure that if we can make it through the next year while he's gone, then we can make it through anything. He's absolutely perfect for me. The look on his face was priceless when I tried the first ring on. I think it really hit him we were both serious about it and that this is going to be the next stage when the time is right. Here is an example of what I picked out at the store. It's simple, classy and SO beautiful. I didn't want anything too big cause A. that's just not me and B. my finger is a size 4 and something big would just look odd!!

Like? :)

Saturday, January 2, 2010


The past couple of weeks have been full of trying to not spend any money at all. Mister has been amazing and helping me with this when it comes to filling up my gas tank every now and then and buying me lunch whenever we go out. He's the sweetest :) He's leaving pretty soon and I have a little over a hundred dollars in my account so I figured I should start on his scrapbook that I'm making him! I'm really excited about it. Its coming together quite nicely! I'll get pictures up when its all done!

Moment Of Time In My Day

I finally had a few moments at home to go through my USMC Gals emails and to blog so I figured I'd take full advantage! Mister leaves soon... it sucks, but today we made a list of our goals and I think looking forward to the good things to come, rather then the dreadful thought of being away from eachother again, helps a lot! I'm in quite a positive mood though so I'm sure in the next few posts, I'll be talking about how much I hate him leaving. If im wrong about that, I'd be completely shocked. haha

Tomorrow night, after I get off work, we're planning on going to a club downtown. It's my first night club ever and our first club together (obviously) so it should be interesting. Not sure what to wear, so I'm bringing options for him to choose his favorite.

New Years ended up being pretty fun. I wasn't sure what to expect since we didn't have plans until the day before, but it was good! We ended up hanging out with his friends and giving eachother a big smooch while everyone was screaming "Happy New Year!!" My first New Years kiss :) I couldn't have picked a better man! hehe
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