Tuesday, March 30, 2010

In So Much Pain... I'm Scared.

As some of you may remember reading, I fell while in the shower about a month ago. I had numbing in my fingers and feet, but they said it would go away. I had an MRI just to make sure there was nerve damage and was told everything looked fine.

I have been going to physical therapy twice a week. I figure I have spent $160 just to go for a month. It's not working. In fact, I'm getting worse. My upper neck hurts so bad that it's tender to the touch. I have a horrible headache. The numbing and tingling sensation is getting worse. Not only is it in my hands and feet, it's now in my arms, legs, and muscle that surrounds my spine. This scares me so much.

They're worried about my brain stem. This scares me even more. I'm praying that I'm just swallon and that the inflation is creating stress on my nerves. I'm hoping this is nothing serious. Tomorrow I am going into the doctor where they plan on doing tests, checking the strength in my neck, and probably give me a referral for another MRI.

I'm just so tired of all of this. I just want to be better. I just want the pain to go away. My biggest fear is that the tingling is going to turn into something worse. Or that the cause is something really bad. I hate this. Please pray for my appointment tomorrow!!

Monday, March 29, 2010

His Text: Good News & Bad News

Let's start off with the bad news, shall we? I would much rather leave this post on a good note rather than a bad one.

Mister is officially going to Afghanistan. We're not sure when. It all depends on what unit he gets placed with. I guess a part of me wanted to believe this wouldn't happen. Denial? Possibly. While talking last night with him about it all, he reminded me that he had told me this was probably going to happen. I guess you never want to believe it. You want to hold on to hope that maybe you'd be one of the lucky ones that wouldn't have to go through the the feeling of sending the man you love off to war. It's horrifying. I'm trying not to worry though, we still have no idea when he'd leave. Could be a year, could be in a few months. Just have to wait and see. I have faith in God and in my Marines abilities that he will be okay and come home safely to me.

That was the bad news... now the good news!

HE'S LEAVING THAT DAMN ISLAND FOR GOOD!!!! Oh ya baby! I said it! Apparently, there is no such thing as a two year deployment anymore. They are making all two year deployments, 18 month long deployments now, due to people not having enough time to deploy to Afghanistan and what not (geeze thanks Marine Corps). The best part? He'd more than likely be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas! Eeeek! Can you feel my excitment people? That'd mean he'd leave six months in advance: that's six months sooner that I'll see him, six months sooner that he'll be back in the states, six months sooner that I'll be able to visit him on base, and unfortunately six months sooner that I'm going to have to get over my fear of flying. I'll do it though, with zero complaints. :)

Mr. Marine should be getting his orders in pretty soon. With his upcoming deployment however, I'm not sure if that will affect when he recieves his orders. Hmm I must ask him about that. I would really hate to have to go through our longest deployment yet (coming up here real quick, booo!), waiting to hear where he'll be stationed in the states. Oh. Em. Gee, I can't believe I just said that. I am just way to excited right now! Trying not to psych myself out though... with the military you never know what's going to happen. In a few weeks I could be writing a post titled, "False Alarm."

Are Your Windows Shattered...?

...because that squeal of mine, just a few minutes ago, was one of those that could break glass. I would not be surprised one bit if I have people coming over to our house with complaints and police reports. Seriously!

The Marine just texted me with possibly the best news ever! Out of no he sends me this: "So I'm probably going to be back in the states for good before Christmas." At first I thought this was a typo on his part. We both have talked about him coming home for a two week leave for Christmas. The whole "for good" was never in any of the previous conversations though! I texted him back telling him if it was in fact a typo, he should expect a not so happy girlfriend. BUT it wasn't! He told me that he's going to tell me the details in a little bit. Not so happy with that response... that's like putting a chocolate cake in front of any girl and saying you can look but you can't touch. Impossible!

What could the news be? Why would they be sending him home early? His two years are not up and won't be until mid next year. I am antsy. I want to know!! I hope I am not all this worked up and that he is coming home for a not-so-good reason. Now that I think of it, his text was not overly excited... he is at work though, so it could be because he had to text quickly. Heck who knows, with the military you never know what’s going to happen until its actually happening.

I will keep you updated!

This is so adorable! I can't wait for our homecoming!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Last Night / Lacking Motivation

Last night, while the Marine and I were Skyping, we had a moment that made me melt. I don’t fully understand why I loved it so much, but I know it will be one of those moments that will make my heart smile every time it’s brought up.

Before Mister and I started Skyping, I was watching the movie “Julie and Julia”. In order for me to continue watching the movie and Skype at the same time, we decided to mute the sound on our computers and talk to each other by typing while our videos were still on - that way we could still see each other.

During our conversation, I brought up the movie I was watching. It had to do with blogging and I was oddly way too excited about it. This is what happened…

[12:45:48 AM] Me: this movie has blogging in it
[12:46:21 AM] My Marine: k
[12:46:25 AM] Me: it makes me feel as though my blogging skills completely and underly suck!
[12:46:34 AM] Me: be more enthusiastic babe!
[12:46:38 AM] Me: however you spell that :)
[12:47:03 AM] Me: you are so gosh darn cute
[12:47:10 AM] Me: with your cute bed hair
[12:47:11 AM] My Marine: your skills underly suck huh?
[12:47:48 AM] Me: well they must not UTTERLY suck
[12:48:04 AM] Me: you said underly...lol
[12:48:14 AM] My Marine: you said underly retard
[12:48:36 AM] Me: oh lol
[12:48:39 AM] My Marine: look back on what you sent me
[12:48:40 AM] Me: oops! hahahaha
[12:57:16 AM] Me: back to my blog... I have almost 40 followers! isnt that exciting?
[12:57:43 AM] My Marine: thats soooooo amazing
[12:57:47 AM] Me: i know
[12:58:14 AM] Me: your enthusiasm (?) whats much better that time around
[12:59:00 AM] My Marine: whats (?)
[12:59:07 AM] Me: im laughing so hard im trying
[12:59:13 AM] Me: crying*
[12:59:23 AM] Me: and the computer is shaking

...Okay so maybe it is not nearly as funny reading it, but my goodness we were both laughing SO hard. I had to put the computer down, because, by laughing, my body was shaking which made my computer shake since it was resting on my legs. The shaking only made us laugh even more. I just could not type-talk last night! I was type-tied! Get it? Baha!

That was last night… now onto having little motivation…

I don’t understand it. How does it work like this? Let me explain… I wake up and check my Facebook, e-mails, and Blogger. I then go to work or make breakfast/lunch - depending on the time of day (sad)! Then time goes by and I find myself checking my things again. This is usually when I decide to blog about something. Meanwhile, I’m thinking about how much homework I have. I decide I need to do a little bit. So I do. And when I say I do a little bit… I mean it! I do a very little bit. After my little bit is done, I usually realize my bored-ness and decide that I will finish later. Later does not come. This is when another hot blogging time comes into play, followed by hanging out with some friends. I end the day Skyping with the boy and telling myself, I can do it tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, and the above is repeated. Re-freakin-diculous!

I need to start doing my homework in advanced. I’m always procrastinating. Granted, I always get it done. But life would be so much easier if I started my homework sooner and studied longer. My grades would improve. I’m sure of it. I think I need to go back to my high school and find my photography teacher that was all hyped up about time management. He needs to give me a 101 lesson on it again. He was awesome by the way. Ugh, stupid me!

Is anyone else like this when it comes to school things? Any suggestions!?

To make things worse… the Marine told me I was obsessed with Facebook…

Seriously, I need suggestions!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Blog - Construction!

As you might be able to see, I'm in the middle of updating my blog's look! I'm pretty excited about it. I found the most awesome editing website which I used for my header. You can check it out here! It's completely internet based, meaning you don't have to download any programs in order to use it. All you have to do is sign up so that you have a login and password. I seriously LOVE it! It took me a little while to figure it all out, so if you check it out and are confused about anything, just ask. I would be more than willing to help!

Since my header is all done, I'm going to take the next few days to look for a background that matches. No luck so far tonight, but I am determined to find one that works! Hopefully it won't take too long!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Adopting A Marine...

I'm really considering this. I'm not sure how my Marine would feel about, but I want to do more for our country. I want to be able to support our troops. I saw this video [posted below] and felt immediate sadness. There are so many people out there who don't recieve letters or packages from the ones they love. Some men and women that are deployed don't have a family. They don't have anyone to recieve letters from. That's not right. I think it is important that we show our military that we support them. That they are in our thoughts and prayers and are not alone.

If you are interested in looking into adopting a service member, whether it be a Marine, Solider, Airman, Sailor, whatever branch it may be, please check out this website: Adopt A Hero. It is a legit site. They contact someone overseas who recieves little to no mail, gives you their contact information and any wishes or needs they may have. You then can write them letters, send them care packages. How awesome is that!? Think of how many troops are over there watching other men and women recieving packages and they know they probably won't be getting one. Then think of the fact of them being adopted and getting letter or getting a package. To me, that feeling they get, that little motivation they may recieve, is worth it. So please look into this!!

The video I was talking about in the begining of this post... WATCH ME!

Random Thoughts

I have a lot in my head. Thoughts that are just floating around up there. Figured I'd just sit down and write and see what comes out...

1. I am so jealous of people who can write amazing songs. Take Kelsey Westfall for an example. You may know her from Youtube, if not, CHECK HER OUT! She hasn't post anything new for a while, but my God, that girl can write music! Not to mention she has an amazing voice. My favorites are: Song 1, Song 2, Song 3. Love, love, love song 1! Simply amazing.

I've been writing a lot lately, trying to get everything I want to say on paper, but some how fail every time. Everything that comes out, never seems good enough. It's never exactly what I'm trying to get across. I get a stupid melody stuck in my head while I write and it completely throws me off guard. I can never focus on a certain thing, instead my mind runs wild. I think I have ADD. Or perhaps would it be ADHD. I really don't understand the difference between the two. Must Google more tips on how to write songs. While I'm at it, I mind as well Google the difference between ADD and ADHD.

2. My finger is pounding. I feel my heart beat in it. My mom accidently swung her hand while turning around and hit my hand causing my finger to jam. No worries people, no reason to call services. Baha! I put some frozen corn on my finger for about twenty minuets. That seemed to help a little. Had to put them back in the freezer though before they went bad. I really enjoy corn, so I'd hate to let it go bad.

3. Mr. Marine found out tonight that his family might be putting down his dog. It's hurting him real bad. He loves his dog. He would do anything for that big guy. I don't really know what to say to him about it. I'm trying to be supportive, but I can tell right now he doesn't want to talk about it - or anything for that matter. He simply just needs his time. So I'm giving it to him. He's known that his dog hasn't been doing well. He's getting old and rapidly getting worse. In a few short months, he went deaf, blind, and can barely walk. I think it might be a good thing that Mister is in Japan right now. Having to actually go and put him down would devestate him even more, I think. I just feel so bad...

4. I feel like a sucky girlfriend. With Mister's upcoming deployment, I figured he wasn't going to be in Okinawa for Easter. With that thought planted in my mind, I didn't put an Easter package together for him. Stupid me, I didn't realize that Easter was so early in April and that he'll be in Okinawa for it. He leaves shortly after Easter, so I don't have enough time to get one together and have it make it there before he deploys. Grr. I had the cutest idea too. I keep telling myself that theres always next year, but gosh darnit, I don't want to wait that long! I'm impatient at times. I must remember to put on my new organization calendar certain holidays and ideas for care packages. Maybe that will help me to plan ahead better.

5. I have been LOVING the weather out lately. Do you realize that it has not snowed once this March in Minnesota?! That DOES NOT happen. It's a pretty big deal here. They keep talking about how the weather is breaking records on the news. I'm wondering if this all means that its going to be a hot summer. I sure hope so. Last year it seemed like there were so many overcast days. I want some heat and sun!

6. Motorcyles have been out A LOT lately. For the past week and a half, I've seen one everyday. I'm obsessed. I want one. A black Kawasaki Ninja 250 to be exact. Mister says he's going to teach me how to shift gears since I suck majorly at it. I'm so excited for that day to come!

Okay I think I'm out of random thoughts... but seriously check out Kelsey's music :)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Foods that Fight Stress!

I logged onto yahoo today to see if I had any USMCgal messages and I saw an article pop up talking about foods the fight stress. I don't know about all of you, but I'm ALWAYS stressed. Whether its school, work, or stupid deployments, something always seems to be on my mind. I found the article to be interesting and know a lot of you happen to be in military relationships and thought some of you may be interested. Here's the list:

1. Dark Chocolate - The darker the chocolate, the more healthy substances you recieve in your diet. Look for bars that are 70 percent cacao or higher. I happen to be a fan of milk chocolate, but hey, if they say the dark kind reduces stress, who am I to question? *chuckle*

2. Skim Milk - One study found that women who drank four or more servings of lowfat or skim milk every day were about half as likely to experience stress-related PMS symptoms than those who drank less than one serving a week. Mister should be quite excited about this find of mine!

3. Oatmeal - Oatmeal is high in fiber, which means that your body will absorb it slowly - prolonging your serotonin boost. Serotonin is a calming hormone that helps fight anxiety's negative effects.

4. Salmon - Many fish, like salmon contain omega-3 fatty acids. These acids can help reverse stress symptoms by boosting serotonin levels. An omega-3-rich diet can also help suppress the production of the anxiety hormones cortisol and adrenaline.

5. Walnuts- been shown to help lower blood pressure, which is critical for those whose hearts are already working overtime thanks to high adrenaline levels. FDA recommends having 1 1/2 oz a day!

6. Sunflower Seeds - A good source of folate, which helps your body produce a pleasure-inducing brain chemical called dopamine.

7. Spinach - Studies show that magnesium, which you'll find in leafy greens like spinach, improves your body's response to stress. Since lettuce has no nurtional value, I supplement spinach for things like sandwiches and salads.

8. Blueberries - Their antioxidants counteract the effects of stress hormones like cortisol on your body.

To visit the article where the above information is from and to learn more about reducing stress, click here.

Revisiting Old Posts

Tonight I took the time to go back and read some old posts of mine. Mainly ones from around the time we met. Also a few just before and after. My goodness did I break down in tears! I didn't think I would be so emotional, but I was. It was so powerful to me.

I'm so thankful that I started blogging shortly after Mister and I started talking with eachother [again]. So many memories we can re-create by simply looking back at posts. I love that our "love story" will have the ability to be shared with our kids one day. And their kids. And so on. It's all documented... when we first met, our first kiss, our first deployment, our first fights, our first "I love you". Eventually our engagement, our wedding, our first house, our little one's birth... it'll all be right here.

*wiping a tear off my cheek* I'm so happy and blessed. I love you babers!

By the way, just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has followed since the start! I'm so thankful and appreciate that you continue to come back and read what I have to say. So thank you X (times) a million! To anyone who is new to my blog, WELCOME! Thank you for having an interest! If you would like to catch up on BIG details of my blog that you may have missed, visit the top right corner of my blog! You will see a few posts there that will help you catch up. Thanks again everyone!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Oh So Productive!

My Organized Calendar!

I am so excited about all that I have done today, especially when it comes to my homework. I realized yesterday that finals are coming. In seven weeks it will be final week for me. Booo! Seems a little far, but I know it will come quickly and I have many projects and tests to do from now until then.

In order to keep myself on track, I went to Office Max and bought a big calendar for myself. I have tried planners before, but with planners you can only see what you have going on in the next week. It's harder (for me at least) to see the big picture. In order to fix the "little picture disorder" of mine, I took the time to go through my syllables for each class I'm in and wrote down the due dates for exams, projects, finals, and any other misc. homework.

I think this will help me BIG time. I can now easily prioritize my homework and stay much more organized. I hung up the calendar in my room at eye level; that way, whenever I go in my room, I'm reminded of the many things I still have to do. Yippee! No more procrastination! I'm excited!

Look at next months assignments. Ew!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Something Beautiful - Weddings

I went to a wedding last night with my mom. I used to work with her at her current job and one of her co-workers that I know got married yesterday. It was so much fun! I think it was the most fun I've had at a wedding. The best part about it all; it wasn't a fancy wedding. It was simple. Low-budget. A little over one hundred people - closest family and friends. Proof that weddings aren't about it being expensive or beautifully decorated. It's about celebration! I want my wedding to be like theirs - full of laughter, love, fun, and happiness.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

"Hello Mister, Nice To Have You Back!"

Last night, Mister and I finally talked about things. It went much better than I thought it would! I was so worried that he'd be frustrated that I was bringing up the conversation again, since there have been multiple times that I've brought up the whole "you've changed" subject. This time around I finally figured out what was wrong though which helped our talk go much more smoothly.

Things are already much better with us. I woke up to a good morning message which is the first time in, well, a very long time. I was so excited that it made me tear up a little bit. He even woke up a little bit earlier than he has been lately so we could skype. It was by far the best conversation we've had in a long time. Randomly, he even sent me a cute text telling me how much he cares. It was just a really great day :)

With everything that's been going on, I've vented on here, to my USMC gals, and to a few other close friends. I've had some really great feedback that I'm SO thankful for and I've also had some hurtful. After talking out my feelings with a few people, some called me too needy and selfish for how I was acting. I had to hold my tongue. You have no idea how I wanted to be like A. you don't know the situation B. you don't know us and C. that's really quite rude. What can you do though right?

I'll admit it... the whole needy thing is really bugging me and even though there is no need to defend myself... I almost feel like maybe it'd make me feel better. So I'm going to do it anyway ha! I understand that as time goes on, two people start to become more comfortable with eachother in a relationship and things that happened before might not happen later on. I dont expect him to stay in his room all day or skip out on guy time. I want him going out. I want him spending time with the guys. When we first started our relationship, I tried so hard to get him to go out, but he just wouldnt. So I'm very happy to know that he's doing so now.

All I wanted was to feel a little bit more appreciated. I know he appreciates me. I know he loves me. At times I just didn't feel his appreciation for me and when that happens for two months, it becomes extremely hard. Especially when you know they do have access to you. I don't expect him to sing to me every second of the day or to be constantly texting me. I don't need that constant affection. When your in a long distance relationship, you don't get that constant affection. I haven't been in his arms, kissed his lips, touched his skin, or held his hand in almost four months. There are things in a long distance relationship you have to do in order to fill those needs and feel loved and appreciated. You have to have cute moments and things like "skype dates" to keep things strong and interesting. I don't see that as needy. I see that as a healthy response to a hard situation.

I love him, he loves me. We are both on the same page now and things couldn't be much better. I'm staying hopeful and positive that things will continue the way they are. I really think they will. I've made a promise to him and myself to open up about my feelings sooner rather than keep them in for so long. Every relationship goes through hard times, I'm glad to know that him and I are strong enough to keep chugging along!

Friday, March 19, 2010


I'm very excited to announce that I got my very first blog award! Jen, from A Girl in Pearls & A Boy with Toys, suprised me with the "Your Going Places, Baby" award and so I decided to blog and surprise another 10 girls and keep this award going!

The Rules for this award are:
1. Post where you want to be in 10 years
2. Pass it on to 10 of your BF (blog friends)

In 10 years... I will be 29. Oh. My. God... lol. I will be married to my Marine (oh boy I like the sound of that!). He will be out of the service. We will have our own place... not sure where. Hopefully we will have a little one. I definitely plan on continue blogging even after my Marine is out of service, so that means it will be my 10 year anniversary! I hope I have a good career in fashion. Hmm.. who really knows what will all be happening in 10 years. Not sure if I really want to know. I like surprises :)

10 Blog Friends I'm Passing This Award Onto...
4. Leslie: Mended Wings
6. Abbie: Satisfy My Soul

I picked you 10 ladies, because I love reading your blogs and am always excited to read what you have to say! Keep up the good work ladies :)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Maybe It's Me?

I was having a really hard morning today. I couldn't help myself but be really doubtful and worried about my relationship with my Marine. Things aren't the same with us and before I kept blaming it on him, but after a talk with my dad, I realized that maybe it's partially me. A relationship is a two way street and I can't keep getting on his butt about things. I'm on him about spending, about things being different, about him never contacting his family. Multiple times he's told me he can handle things himself and that he doesn't need another "mother". All I needed to do was open my ears and listen to him. I'm not his mom. I'm not his wife. I'm not even his fiance. I'm his girlfriend and I'm proud of that. He is a big boy and can make his own decisions. I need to give him space and let him live his life. My job is to support him and love him and be there for him and thats what I intend to do.

I need to drop my needy ways and go back to how things were. I'm hoping this will help us. We're going to Skype in a little bit and I'd love to tell him all of this and have a really good open discussion about it all, but its monday and for him that means field day. Which also means a very short conversation. We're talking at the most five minuets. I want to be able to have a nice long conversation about it so its going to have to wait until tomorrow night. Maybe that'll give me more time to think everything through and give me ideas to be more supportive and less... annoying? Ugh.

Like I said above, a relationship is a two way street so I definitely can't be doing all the changing. I need him to meet me half way. I'm hoping he will start to show a little more appreciation. To say you love and care about someone doesn't mean anything if they don't feel it and see it. I need to see that he still is in this for the long haul like he says he is.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Something Beautiful - Good Health

I watched the movie "Sister's Keeper" last night with my best friend. Although, I didn't happen to love the movie (it was alright), it made me realize how lucky I am to have good health. Yes, I have a bad back and neck. Yes, I am clumsy so I tend to get an owwie every now and then. Overall though, I can't complain. I'm not going through horrible tests or visiting doctors non-stop. I'm not on a waiting list for something that will save me and without it, I'll die.

Health is taken forgranted. My father just learned about his employee possibly only having two months to live due to cancer. In one day, that mans family and life was forever changed. It's that fast. So what's beautiful to me is good health. Also beautiful: those who are dealing with sickness and pain and are still living their lives.

Song Writing

Lately I've been writing music again. It's something I've done since I can remember. When I was a little girl I would never know what to write about except of a love that one day I hoped to have. I grew up in awe of fairytale movies and love stories as most girls, however, I never had much inspiration. No real experiences in that department until late highschool.

As I've become older, I feel like I have too much to write about. So much I want to say. Express. I've tried for a very long time to become better at writing, but never could be satisfied with what I put down on paper. Maybe it's because I'm too hard on myself. I stopped writing for a while. A long while. After looking up a song writing website, I've picked it back up again. I'm quite pleased with the results so far. There's definitely room for improvement. Isn't there always?

Maybe one day I'll bring myself to post some lyrics on here. Keyword: maybe. No one has ever read my lyrics before. Too afraid. Maybe a little woried they'd say it sucked. Maybe the response wouldn't be what I hoped for leaving me with a worried mind to wander in the possibilites of their reaction. God, I am sad.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


...I miss him. Real bad. I miss his smell, his touch. The smirk on his face. Have I ever told you he has the most amazing smile in the world? He could light up anyones day with one of his smiles. He sure lights up my day. I miss the feeling I get when I see him all dressed up in his uniform, or the feeling I got when we would wake up and he would walk around in his sweatpants. The best moments were when he'd make me breakfast. With the top of his hair a little messy, I could not help myself but smile. Simply adorable.
I miss our kisses. Our movie nights. I miss watching OUR movie in my tv room with the fireplace going. The way he would place his hand on my lap while we were in the car; expecting my hand to enclose in his. It would everytime. I miss looking into his hazel eyes. Being completely captivated by them. Almost lost.

Most of all... I miss him being home.

Adsense Anyone?

It seems like everytime I update my profile, I always remind myself of Adsense. A part of me is intrigued by it. My thinking: why not make money by simply adding ad's to my blog. I just want to make sure that its legit and that my information isn't going to go in someone's hands somehow. So here is my question to you... anyone participate in Adsense that likes it? Maybe you don't make any money from it, but havent had any problems either. Or maybe you had a horrible problem and will never do it again. I want to hear from you! A simple comment will do :) I just don't want to sign up for something that I'm going to regret, especially when my information is involved. Please comment! If you don't want to comment on here, but would rather email me, then feel free to do so. My email has been added to the top right-hand corner of my blog. Thanks all!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Something Beautiful - Sundays!

So I know I've been lacking on my "Something Beautiful" moment so instead of having it as a daily thing, I'm going to post them on Sundays. This will help me be able to keep going with it instead of letting it be something that just never gets done. Unfortunately, I have been just too busy to post them daily. I'll keep track of things throughout my week and post at least one "Something Beautiful" moment that I had in the last week. Hope this works out better!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Deployment Three...

In a month, my Marine will be going on another deployment. This is the longest one so far. I swear they keep getting longer. Silly me, they do! I never thought he would deploy this much. It makes me even more worried for when his two years in Japan are up. Slowly, but surely, I'm starting to think he might head to Afghanistan. God I don't want that. I know what I was getting into when going into this relationship. Sometimes it's easy. Other times, it's so hard.

He will be deploying for three months. I can't say when and where for safety reasons. He should have internet access though at times so that makes me happy. I just feel bad because I know these next few months are going to be real hard on him. He has a lot of HARD work coming his way and a very big project. I'm worried for me too though. He'll be gone while I have finals and all and I'm worried that slowly but surely I'm going to start losing all interest in school. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to give up, because let’s face it: that would be the temporary easy route. I've always been the type of person to have big dreams, but run at the fear of failing. I won't give up. Have to push through this. I would love to cuddle up in my bed until he comes back home, but A. that's not healthy and B. maybe I need to prove to myself that I can be a strong independent woman who can cope with the fact that the love of my life is far away.

I'm rambling...

I think this is all stemming from the fact that I'm sad that he won't be home when we planned. I'm trying to stay positive that he'll be back home soon. I miss him...

Monday, March 8, 2010

Been MIA For A Few Days

Since I last posted, nothing has really happened.

I did have my MRI. That was an interesting experience. One I really wouldn't mind if I never had to do again. A few hours after being in the x-ray tube, I recieved a phone call telling me that my spine was normal and that I needed to go to physical therapy for damaged caused to my neck muscle and for tension in my neck caused by whip-lash. I've been to one session and think it's promising. I think they will actually fix what's wrong instead of giving me exercises to cope with the pain like they have in the past. I sure hope so!

Today I sent off a package for the Mister. Inside I included a shirt I bought for him, his camera charger that he forgot when he was home, homemade chocolate chip cookies, homemade oatmeal raisin cookies (his favorite), puppychow, some tea bags since he loves tea, his favorite candy, and I also bought these little packages of coffee that you stir in a cup of hot water. I'm hoping he likes those. He loves coffee but doesnt have a coffee maker and so I figure those might be a nice substitute. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Well, I am off to bed. I'm exhausted and need to go to bed early for once. I will do my best to write tomorrow. Work and school has had me very busy lately!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Beautiful Moment - Getting Chills

I absolutely love getting the chills when I listen to a beautiful song. It's amazing how a song can give you that reaction. I was just listening to "The Science" by Coldplay and have come to the conclusion that it is absolutely beautiful. I know I've heard it before, but I have re-introduced myself to it today and fell in love all over again.

Listen Here!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


It's pretty much all right there in the title, but I'll explain anyways. I have to get an MRI :( Unfortunately for me, my neck is banged up pretty bad from my fall last monday (technically two mondays ago). I went to the doctor and they said that they were worried about the fact that I was experiencing numbing throughout my body and want to make sure that no nerves were damaged or are being pressed against by swelling or tension in my neck.

I am not happy about this one bit! Have I told you all that I'm closterphobic? I hate elevators, crowded places, and tanning beds. They make me feel like I'm about to have a panic attack. How the heck am I suppose to lay in a small machine? This will definitely be quite the experience...

There is a positive to the situation though! My appointment is at seven in the morning (this is no where near the positive part, keep reading on...) which means I have to wake up at 5:30am. ICK! The good news about this is that, that means in Japan it's 8:30pm which means I get to talk to my mister when I wake up! I am one happy girl about it, can't remember the last time we got to do that.

Well I'm off to bed. It's already 12:40 in the morning. A whopping 4.5 hours of sleep tonight...
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