Saturday, March 20, 2010

"Hello Mister, Nice To Have You Back!"

Last night, Mister and I finally talked about things. It went much better than I thought it would! I was so worried that he'd be frustrated that I was bringing up the conversation again, since there have been multiple times that I've brought up the whole "you've changed" subject. This time around I finally figured out what was wrong though which helped our talk go much more smoothly.

Things are already much better with us. I woke up to a good morning message which is the first time in, well, a very long time. I was so excited that it made me tear up a little bit. He even woke up a little bit earlier than he has been lately so we could skype. It was by far the best conversation we've had in a long time. Randomly, he even sent me a cute text telling me how much he cares. It was just a really great day :)

With everything that's been going on, I've vented on here, to my USMC gals, and to a few other close friends. I've had some really great feedback that I'm SO thankful for and I've also had some hurtful. After talking out my feelings with a few people, some called me too needy and selfish for how I was acting. I had to hold my tongue. You have no idea how I wanted to be like A. you don't know the situation B. you don't know us and C. that's really quite rude. What can you do though right?

I'll admit it... the whole needy thing is really bugging me and even though there is no need to defend myself... I almost feel like maybe it'd make me feel better. So I'm going to do it anyway ha! I understand that as time goes on, two people start to become more comfortable with eachother in a relationship and things that happened before might not happen later on. I dont expect him to stay in his room all day or skip out on guy time. I want him going out. I want him spending time with the guys. When we first started our relationship, I tried so hard to get him to go out, but he just wouldnt. So I'm very happy to know that he's doing so now.

All I wanted was to feel a little bit more appreciated. I know he appreciates me. I know he loves me. At times I just didn't feel his appreciation for me and when that happens for two months, it becomes extremely hard. Especially when you know they do have access to you. I don't expect him to sing to me every second of the day or to be constantly texting me. I don't need that constant affection. When your in a long distance relationship, you don't get that constant affection. I haven't been in his arms, kissed his lips, touched his skin, or held his hand in almost four months. There are things in a long distance relationship you have to do in order to fill those needs and feel loved and appreciated. You have to have cute moments and things like "skype dates" to keep things strong and interesting. I don't see that as needy. I see that as a healthy response to a hard situation.

I love him, he loves me. We are both on the same page now and things couldn't be much better. I'm staying hopeful and positive that things will continue the way they are. I really think they will. I've made a promise to him and myself to open up about my feelings sooner rather than keep them in for so long. Every relationship goes through hard times, I'm glad to know that him and I are strong enough to keep chugging along!

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