Monday, March 15, 2010

Maybe It's Me?

I was having a really hard morning today. I couldn't help myself but be really doubtful and worried about my relationship with my Marine. Things aren't the same with us and before I kept blaming it on him, but after a talk with my dad, I realized that maybe it's partially me. A relationship is a two way street and I can't keep getting on his butt about things. I'm on him about spending, about things being different, about him never contacting his family. Multiple times he's told me he can handle things himself and that he doesn't need another "mother". All I needed to do was open my ears and listen to him. I'm not his mom. I'm not his wife. I'm not even his fiance. I'm his girlfriend and I'm proud of that. He is a big boy and can make his own decisions. I need to give him space and let him live his life. My job is to support him and love him and be there for him and thats what I intend to do.

I need to drop my needy ways and go back to how things were. I'm hoping this will help us. We're going to Skype in a little bit and I'd love to tell him all of this and have a really good open discussion about it all, but its monday and for him that means field day. Which also means a very short conversation. We're talking at the most five minuets. I want to be able to have a nice long conversation about it so its going to have to wait until tomorrow night. Maybe that'll give me more time to think everything through and give me ideas to be more supportive and less... annoying? Ugh.

Like I said above, a relationship is a two way street so I definitely can't be doing all the changing. I need him to meet me half way. I'm hoping he will start to show a little more appreciation. To say you love and care about someone doesn't mean anything if they don't feel it and see it. I need to see that he still is in this for the long haul like he says he is.

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