Friday, April 30, 2010

Updates!

First things first, things are starting to get better with the Marine and I. He deployed yesterday (ewww!) but earlier today we got to talk about the issues that we are having. I suggested pushing back the engagement to focus on us. No, we aren't engaged yet, but he was planning on proposing around August. He's not happy with the engagement being postponed... at all. I can understand this. He had everything planned out already (which I was not aware of until earlier today!). I just want us to have a firm foundation before we take the next step. I'm thinking this is a smart decision. Tell me someone agrees out there with me? I can't be crazy for wanting to fix the cracks in our foundation before we take on another load...

Other than things being sticky with the Marine, everything else in my life have been really great!  Thank you ladies for all the support and kind words during the tough time that I've been having. I really appreciate it! I love you bloggy friends!

Lord Give Me Strength,

along with something positive. Good morning message = major disappointment. Maybe I should have expected that. I need to run away, from everything. Oh why did that stupid message have to be cut off at 180 characters?! Why couldn't I see the rest of it? Maybe the rest would have broken me.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Hiding in the Bathroom

I've spent the last hour and a half locked up in the bathroom. Mister and I had our worst fight yet. I won't go into details, but it was definitely bad. I needed to escape some where and somehow the bathroom just seemed like the place to go. You're probably asking why the bathroom. I guess I didn't want anyone to know I was crying again. I wanted to cover it up. I grabbed my Bible, turned on the shower, locked the door, and sat there on the ground - gross i know, and just flipped through the pages. I looked for anything and everything that would bring me comfort. I needed to feel. I felt so empty, lost and alone. I found two verses that helped me a lot. Phillippians 4:6-7 and 2 Corinthians 4:18. I sent them to him hoping they would bring him comfort. He has yet to write back. I can understand though, he needs his space and time.

To make it look like I was in the shower the whole time, I went in for about five minuets and just let the water run down on my face. It stung real bad around my eyes. Felt good though at the same time, like I was being washed cleaned. I need that, a clean slate.

We're going to take things back a bit. Start from square one basically. Get to know each other again and become best friends. We're still in a relationship, we're just trying to build something stronger and better. We need a stronger foundation. I can't deal with the fighting anymore. I just can't. Neither can he. We have become better with it, this last one was just a real big blow. I hope we can do it. I really, really do.

I just needed to write about this. Get it out. Thanks for listening.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Math Sucks!

I seriously am not having fun in my math class. I'm praying I pass. I have never been this scared for a class...  :(

Bra Size

Oh yea, I went there! I was looking on Victoria Secret for a new swimsuit. I want one of the wonderbra ones because I always look so flat in swimsuits *red in face*. I found one that I really like so I went to see if they had my size. Instead of XS, S, M, L, XL they ask for the bra size. I always get MY size at victoria secret, but something in me was telling me to measure quick just to be sure. So I pull out the measuring tape and follow the directions and to my freaking surprise, I've been wearing the wrong bra size the whole time!! I didn't go up, I went down! A whole cup!!! Now if I was a higher size to begin with, I would be okay with it, but I haven't been. I want to bang on Target's doors and tell them to let me in so I can go see if I made a measuring mistake... 3 times. Ha! Oh goodness. Well, at least they'll stay... up :)

Monday, April 26, 2010

Stupid Construction!

At the moment I'm pacing in the kitchen waiting for my pasta with vodka cream sauce to be finished. After two hours dealing with construction for a ten minuet appointment, I might as well forget the pasta and sauce and just go straight for the vodka! HA, joke! I actually don't drink, but if I did, I would! All I can say is this lunch better be delicious!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

With Eyes Wide Open...

...I'm starring anxiously at the TV. Army Wives is on! Oh boy, o boy! I have the popcorn with a few m&m's mixed in. Warm and salty with a hint of sweetness from the melted chocolate. All wrapped up in my Marine Corps blanket with lots of pillows. To add to the greatness of this moment, I'm done with my 30 slide powerpoint for Geography that's due tomorrow. What a relief! I love right now.

Something Beautiful - The Near Future

know I have majorly slacked on my Something Beautiful Moments (Sunday), but I am trying to get back into the motion of it all. I know that I have been a horrible blogger in the last couple of weeks. Please don't leave me!! School has been kicking my ass (excuse the language). I have taken two weeks off of work though so I should be less stressed now :)

This week I actually have two beautiful moments. 1. Healing. 2. My talk with my Marine last night about our future. So here we go!

This past week I've been learning so much from the two books I am currently reading (you can find them on the right side of my blog) and from reading little parts in the Bible every night. I've really been leaning on God to help me get through my past hurts and to help strenghten my relationship with Mister. I feel better. I feel more healed and more alive than when I wasn't reading the two books and Bible. Last night, we read our couples devotion together and it was just great! I hope he is taking this as seriously as I am. Apparently, I'm his professor haha. :)

The second beautiful moment was last night while talking with Mr. Marine. We were talking about some things that were making both of us crabby and down. Then out of no where, were on the topic of the near future. Like us being married and our home and how unbelievably broke we are going to be. I mentioned us having to get our pots and pans and furniture from Goodwill and how our silverware is going to have to be rewashable plastic sporks and knives. We could not stop laughing! It was sooo good to think about those things. It makes me even more excited about the future. It's nice to know that even though we will be more than broke when he gets out of the military, the things we will own, will be OURS. That's amazing to me! I love him :)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

In Absolute Shock

I just read Wife of A Wounded Marine's blog and found out her ex-husband has passed away. I have read her blog ever since I became a part of the blogging world. She has gone through so much in her young life, it's unbelievable. She is an amazing, strong woman.

My prayers are with you hun. I pray that God gives you strength and comfort during this hard time in your life.

Friday, April 23, 2010

One Of Those Nights...

I feel so empty inside. I don't know why. I miss him, no doubt about that, but I don't think this is about him. This is just me. Empty. I feel so lost and confused about everything in my life. I swear I'm on this path with about a million different paths off of it and I'm just walking aimlously hoping that something will get pieced together and it will all work out in my favor.
I feel like there is so much that I need to do that I possibly might not be able to get to do and I don't know how that's going to affect me. Will it affect me? I think it already is. Maybe I need to just get some things done and out of the way so I can move on with my life. It's not fair that I'm hoping life will peice together in a certain way. The most terrifying thing is if it doesn't, I think I'll loose my grip.

Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. Maybe then it will all go away... I think I've learned in the past few months that, that is most definitely not true. Bringing it up might just cause waaay more things that I can't handle.

Oh life, why are you so complicated?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Allergies Kind Of Really Suck

I am not lying when I say that I have sneezed over a hundred times in the last hour. I would have taken some allergy medicine, but literally ten minuets before my sneeze attack happened, I took my pain medicine and my muscle relaxent. Not fair! I am much better now though. I have not sneezed for a little bit and remaining hopeful that it doesnt happen again. It's kind of odd, because I have been fine all day and then boom! it hits me. The same thing happened last night while on Skype with Mr. Marine. For a good ten minuets out of no-where I had a sneeze attack. Doesnt help that I still have a sinus infection. Oh well, what can ya do! At least it didn't happen all day - definitely a positive.

Mister's friend put up LOTS of pictures of the first part of their deployement. He is soo burnt and tan in the pictures. He is going to have one killer farmers tan when he comes back home haha. Remind me to poke fun of him for it okay? :)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Good Deals

Today was such a great day! I got to spend some time with the bestie. We went shopping and I got a pair of shoes and a scarf for $8.99! Go me! I was pretty impressed with myself. I didn't stop there though. I bought two pairs of boxer briefs for the boy. They're from American Eagle and are green and blue. Pretty sure they'll look real nice :) hehe. Well I'm off to do some studying. I have LOTS to do!

Meeting Up With Some USMCgals!

I couldn't be more excited! I found out today that me and at least three other USMCgals are meeting up in a couple of weeks! I have wanted to do this for so long, but there were never any Minnesota girls in the group. Now there are six of us! I'm a happy camper about it all. :) We're meeting up May 2nd. Can't wait!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

What Do You Get For A Guy With Everything...

Mister's birthday isn't until the end of May and unfortunately I wont be able to send him a gift due to his short deployment, but I just figured out thee BEST birthday present ever and I am more than pumped about it! It's all figured and planned out - with some give and take to it (you know the military, there's always something unexpected!). I wish I could tell you all what it is, but incase he was to get the URL to my blog, I don't want him finding this and knowing what his gift is. Hope you all will understand. No worries though, I will tell you once the time comes! Just so relieved to know that I figured out something for the man that has everything.

Friday, April 16, 2010

A Trip Down Memory Lane

I'm missing him a lot tonight. When ever I miss him like this, I grab my laptop, turn on our music and flip through pictures that we took the last time he was home. I definitely have my favorites. One's that warm up every bit of my heart from looking at. It's amazing the power that a picture can bring. Memories rush back, feelings flood the body all over again, and if you close your eyes, sometimes you can mentally bring yourself back to that time.

I love these memories of ours <3

2 New Awards!

So I'm happy to announce that I have two new awards! This made my super excited. :) I must admit that I already have recieved one of the awards, and just haven't had the time to put it up yet. I know - I'm sorry! Thank you to Forever yours. Semper FI. for both awards and Flip Flops and Combat Boots for my Beautiful Blogger Award! You girls are awesome!


I'll start with the Beautiful Blogger Award since that is the one I recieved from both girls. The rule with the award is to name seven things about yourself and then list seven blogs that you'd like to pass the award onto. So here we go!

Seven things about myself:
1. I'm obsessed with coffee
2. I hate having my feet touched or even looked at. haha. If I catch you looking at my feet, I will not be happy.
3. I'm really starting to get into reading. Right now I'm reading two devotionals and starting to read a little bit of the Bible every night. I don't plan on stopping!
4. I want to kids one day: a little boy one day, then a little girl.
5. I love, love, love documentarys. I find them so interesting!
6. I'm all about getting deals! I refuse to buy any clothes full price.
7. I have two drawers filled with panties and bras. I would buy more if I had the money - never can have enough cute "under" clothes :)

Seven people I'm passing thing along to:

1. A Girl in Pearls & A Boy With Toys

2. Feels Like Home To Me
3. Krystal's Kitsch
4. Mrs. G.I. Joe
5. Satisfy My Soul
6. The Displaced Texan
7. The View From My Shoes
 
My next award is also from Breanna at Forever yours. Semper FI. This is one called Sunshine Award! I just love this award because it's given to those who inspire your and show positivity! So thank you very much Breanna :)
 


2. A Grateful People
3. Good, True and Beautiful
4. Mended Wings
5. Wife Of A Wounded Soldier
6. Trying Our Best
7. The Sand Is Different Here

All of you are so positive no matter what situation you're going through! Keep up that amazing work :)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Seriously...

I give up. I'm never going to be good enough.
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