Thursday, April 29, 2010

Hiding in the Bathroom

I've spent the last hour and a half locked up in the bathroom. Mister and I had our worst fight yet. I won't go into details, but it was definitely bad. I needed to escape some where and somehow the bathroom just seemed like the place to go. You're probably asking why the bathroom. I guess I didn't want anyone to know I was crying again. I wanted to cover it up. I grabbed my Bible, turned on the shower, locked the door, and sat there on the ground - gross i know, and just flipped through the pages. I looked for anything and everything that would bring me comfort. I needed to feel. I felt so empty, lost and alone. I found two verses that helped me a lot. Phillippians 4:6-7 and 2 Corinthians 4:18. I sent them to him hoping they would bring him comfort. He has yet to write back. I can understand though, he needs his space and time.

To make it look like I was in the shower the whole time, I went in for about five minuets and just let the water run down on my face. It stung real bad around my eyes. Felt good though at the same time, like I was being washed cleaned. I need that, a clean slate.

We're going to take things back a bit. Start from square one basically. Get to know each other again and become best friends. We're still in a relationship, we're just trying to build something stronger and better. We need a stronger foundation. I can't deal with the fighting anymore. I just can't. Neither can he. We have become better with it, this last one was just a real big blow. I hope we can do it. I really, really do.

I just needed to write about this. Get it out. Thanks for listening.


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