Tuesday, May 25, 2010

About My Day

Today was quite interesting. I went to the ENT today to see why my sinus infection has been sticking around for so long. First they stuck a tube up my nose to see draining and what not. She told me that my eyes would probably water a lot and that some people tend to sneeze. May I mention that my nose is very dry and irritated because of how much its been running. Well she starts putting it in and for the first few seconds its not bad, but then she kept going and going and I start sniffing uncontrollably and it hurt so bad that I'm not sure if I was crying or if my eyes were watering so much that tears were rolling down my cheeks. If I wasn't crying, I would like to have. Never want to do that again. Then I told her about my very frequent nose bleeds so she looked in my nose and saw that I had a large blood vessel so they cauterized it in hopes that it will scab and then new skin would heal over it making the blood vessel not bleed. That wasn't too bad except that I now look like I sniffed chocolate in one of my nostrils. Apparently they use silver nitrate for the chemical burn (reason why it scabs) and it stains your skin brown. So yes, I look like I sniffed brown crap up my nose and is very noticable. Not cute!!!

As far as what's wrong with my sinuses, the doctor couldn't really tell. She looked at the c-scan that I took and it was hard to see if I had a pulip or just a lot of liquid. She is going to ask for second opinions and we'll see what she thinks. She also wants me to take another round of antibiotics to see if it will help clear anything up and when thats done, I need to get another c-scan to have a better look at whats happening. I just want to be done with all of this craziness. I'm tired of it.

Enough with health.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Absence Makes Things OK?

Mister and I have only talked once since the last time I posted. When I say we talked, I mean we actually spoke to each other on the phone. We have texted a little bit, but his phone has been acting up and he is working 16 hour days, which means he's exhausted by the time he gets off. When we were on the phone with each other the call lasted for a little over a half hour and went as well as it could have. I finally see his side now. I get it. I did mess up and I admit it. I guess the moral of the story is to not take other peoples advice to heart and to talk things over instead of getting defensive. Two things I need to work on.

During our conversation he still said he wanted to talk to his mom and seek advice from her about if he should continue the relationship or throw in the towel, but as time goes on, we've been acting like nothing really is wrong. I write him at least 3 messages a day along with random text messages. I'm putting in the work and effort that I need to and I'm really trying to make him feel appreciate. Problem is, I'm trying to tell myself that I am being appreciated. I still haven't recieved one message from him since the fight. I keep telling myself that it has nothing to do with it, but I am slowly failing. I know that he is really busy and tired and so that's what I tell myself the reason is. Is it though? I don't know... I'm thinking of asking him in my message that I send him tonight, but I don't want to start something else. I think I'll just wait until AFTER his birthday, which is THIS Sunday! :)

Monday, May 17, 2010

Third Deployment Updates

This is our third deployment together and he's actually at the same place where our first deployment took place. Although due to OPSEC and safety for my man, I can't really say where that is.

This deployment has been rough for my Marine and I. On his way there we got into a huge fight over some stupid things and its led us to a few changes. Engagement is postponed. I didn't say canceled, no worries. Just postponed. There are somethings that we need to work. Things that will involve talking to someone to help us with issues. It's kind of funny, well not so much funny, but an interesting thing that I've realized: Mister and I really don't have problems with each other. Everything has been from our past. It's crazy how much it can affect someone so drastically. It makes me think back to when my mom use to tell me as a young girl to not date around and to just wait for someone real special, that way you don't have much baggage. I wish I would have listened. I'm pretty sure I did the exact opposite of that. I dated everyone. Let's save that for another time, another day. Back to what this post was actually meant for... deployment update!

Mister's friend posted a bunch of pictures on Facebook of the deployment. It was great to see what they've been up to, even though I wasn't exactly sure what they were up to. My Marine's face is soooo red though. I should actually note that there was a couple of pictures that got mister Marine into some trouble. He was smoking!!!!!! Oh yea, that is right. The little stinker had his picture taken of him and when he realized he got caught on camera, in the next picture you can see him trying to hid the cig! Just wanted to note that incase he says it never happened... oh yes it did babe! Let's just say that we had a little talk about that and all is well :)

Here But Away

I ended up changing my settings on my blog to make it more private. I'm not quite sure if this is something that I will change back in time. I just needed privacy. I was tearing myself up over if someone had found my blog. What would I say? Better question: what would they say? I hope that I keep up with this. I need to. I'm going back to the basics; back to the reason why I started this blog: to use it as my diary. I started to stray away from that concept. I started freaking out about followers and how to get more and what they might like. I wasn't writing nearly as much about what I wanted. Part of that had to do with the public setting. I want to be able to write and not be criticized for what I have to say. I have a lot to say... things that have been shown a little on here but no where as much as I would like. All because I know what would happen and I don't want that. Maybe one day I'll start another blog, one to keep me in contact with family and friends. Maybe not. Only the future truely knows...

Hating The Distance

http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa80/pennylaneholland/kissh018.gif

I use to be so good about it, long distance that is. My whole life I've been in a long distance relationship. I've never only been in a relationship with a guy that was from my hometown once and that was more so dating. Besides, I'm pretty sure I was going through some things at the time and didn't really have a clear head, therefore, I wasn't thinking. Sad, but I think a lot of us have been there.

So besides that one time, I've done the long distance thing...A LOT. It's never really phased me as being hard. It was just the situation and I had to deal with it. I still have that same thought process, but its just so much harder than the rest. Maybe it's because I care about him more than anyone I've been with. Maybe it's because I can actually see my life with him. Its funny, I'm starting to become that girl that is planning her wedding before a ring is on her finger. I'm addicted to, "Say Yes to the Dress," and everytime a girl puts on a dress, picture what I would look like in it. The perfect dress for me: either a sweetheart or halter top, sheath style dress. Simple, yet elegant and sexy all in one. If you would have asked me a few months ago if I knew what I wanted my wedding to be like I would have told you that I was not that girl that has had her wedding planned out since she was a little girl, cause I'm not. Now though, all I want to do is talk wedding!

I just wish the distance could be over. I need him to be home soon. These past five months have been feeling more like a lifetime. Blah!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Beautiful Moment - Things Paying Off

This past semester, I promised myself that I was going to work really hard at getting good grades. I did every assignment (except for one, opps!) and studied for every test. I went to school when I was able to (wasn't able to at times because of earlier health issues) and just worked really, really hard. Now that school is over and grades are coming in, I've realized that every moment staying up late and studying was worth it!

So beautiful moment of the week, seeing all of the hard work put into something paying off!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Audio = Nonexistent!

My computer is failing me. Mister can no longer hear me on Skype. I have tried everything to make it work, but my computer cannot detect it's internal mircophone anymore. Ugh. Not to mention the bottom of my laptop gets so hot within the first five minutes of it being on that it has burnt me! I have two scars to prove it! I don't think that that's normal. I think I just have a crappy laptop that is slowly dying. Does my computer not know that I'm in a long distance relationship with a man that I don't often get to hear from or talk to? I think I need to have a little talk with the computer of mine to bring it up-to-date on why it's making my life more difficult than it needs to be. I do not have the money to buy a new one, unless anyone knows of one that I can get for $100. Ha, that's not happening! Oh wells. Guess that just means I'm going to have to buy a fan and microphone at WollyWorld. Buh bye money that was in my savings account. It was nice to have you there while it lasted!

Friday, May 14, 2010

I'm Back!!

Thank goodness finals are OVER!!

It's getting late tonight and I have to wake up early in the morning for work, so I'm going to keep this real short and sweet. Just wanted to say sorry that I've been gone and now that I'm done with this semester I can get back on track and start posting again!

Finals went really good. I'm looking at a possible 4.0 this semester! That would be the first time for that to EVER happen, so I'm pretty excited about it. I have to wait until tuesday to see whether or not I somehow pulled it off. We will see!

Mister has been deployed for a while now. He gets a 72 this weekend though so we should be able to Skype. We really haven't been able to have much contact this deployment so I'm really excited to be able to see his cute face :)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Saying Sorry In Advance

With finals coming up, I just want you all to know that I probably won't get to post much. Sorrrryy!! I have a 200 point math final along with a geography, business, and health final. Sounds exciting right? I know you're all jealous ;)

For all of you who are new WELCOME!!! I hope you are enjoying my blog. I feel like it's been pretty boring though the past few days since I've been so busy, but I promise it'll get better so stick with me!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Tuesday Tag Along!


Here's how it works:

1. Create a new Tuesday Tag-Along blog post. Include the Tuesday Tag-Along button by copying and pasting the code above. (You are also welcome to copy and paste these instructions in their entirety, or any portion of this Tuesday Tag-Along blog post!)

2. Add your blog name and the URL of your TTA post to the MckLinky below.

3. Follow Twee Poppets, the hostess blog listed in the first slot. Leave a comment saying you've followed, and Twee Poppets will follow you back!

4. If you can, please follow the blogs in the three slots before you (e.g., if you're number 20, follow numbers 19, 18, and 17). This is not mandatory, but it will help ensure that everyone who signs up gets a few new followers!

5.Follow as many other blogs as you want. The more you follow, the more that will follow you back! Be sure to tell them that you're following from Tuesday Tag-Along! You may also want to leave a link to your blog so they can return your follow more easily.

6. When you get a new follower through Tuesday Tag-Along, be sure to follow them back! It's just common courtesy. :)

The weekly Tuesday Tag-Along post and MckLinky will be posted every Monday night at 8:59pm Pacific Standard Time (that's 11:59pm Eastern Standard Time), and the MckLinky will be open to add your blog until 11:59pm Tuesday night. You then have all week long to visit blogs and return follows!
There is a new list every week. The link you enter one week will not carry over to the next week's MckLinky. Please link up again each week to join in the fun!

10 Carat Ring

Hilary Duff's 10 carat engagement ring

Big right? I tried to find one at Tiffany & Co. website to be able to post a picture, but they would only show up to a 2 carat. So I found the one of Hilary Duff instead. You're probably wondering why the heck am I talking about a 10 carat ring. First, let me say that no, mister Marine is not giving me a 10 carat ring haha. The truth is, this size of a ring is the reason that Mister and I stopped reading our weekly devotion. Let me explain...

There have been a few occasions while reading, "Teach Me How To Love You," where mister and I felt like the author was putting way to much detail into his OBVIOUSLY rich lifestyle. Within three chapters we learned about his travels and driver and blah, blah, blah! This last one, blew us both off the edge.

I had just sat down last night to read chapter four so that I could work on typing it up and sending it to Mister. Within the first three paragraphs my mouth was literally on the ground and I was completely disgusted by the book. Why? Let me tell you! He starts talking about how his wife told him she wanted a 10 carat diamond engagement ring and how AMAZINGLY GRACIOUS she was to SETTLE for a 7 carat diamond ring... let me add she also got a 7 carat diamond band and he also bought a 7 carat ring for himself. Can someone explain to me why that is necessary to talk about in a book about God?

After reading that, I set the book down and walked away. I don't want to look at it again. I don't want to read it again, and so that would be the reason that I now have to make a stop at the local Christian Bookstore to pick up a new weekly devotional.

It just made me so disgusted. That's great that he has the money to buy her extravegant things, but don't put it in a book where you know its suppose to be about relationships surrounding yourself around GOD, not your rich lifestyle. Puuhhlease!

My Angel

I can't sleep tonight. So I got on my computer and typed this letter to my Marine. Explains pretty much how I'm feeling right now. I hate lonely nights and boy do I miss him!!!

Hello Handsome-

I miss you bad tonight. I’ve been lying in bed for what seems like forever and even though my body is so exhausted, I just can’t seem to sleep. All I want to do is fall asleep so I can be with you in my dreams. I want to see your face and feel your touch. It’s been five months already since I’ve felt your lips and the thought of another three seem like forever away. I’m strong though. The thought of running into your arms in the airport and you lifting me off my feet while twirling me around in the air gets me through it. Brings tears to my eyes to know that it’s soon babe. We’re one day closer!

Since all of my sleep techniques that make me feel like you’re here with me are unfortunately failing at the moment, I’m just lying here listening to our music play. It’s making me miss you even more, but yet it brings me comfort at the same time. I keep thinking about how “Brass Bed” was our first song. I still remember the day you played it on Skype and we both just looked up at each other and smiled. That smirk of yours is so ridiculous. I could be having the worst day and then you shine that million dollar smile at me and my whole world is complete again.

I am so proud of you love. You are an amazing man. I know it hurts you to be so far away, but baby I’m not going anywhere. I promise you that. I would give absolutely anything for you. I thank God everyday for blessing me with you and for bringing you back into my life. You saved me from such a dark place and from such a dark spell that I was under. I prayed and God answered my prayers. You’re my angel! Always remember : MTYLTT.

I’m going to close my eyes now and pray that I dream about you. Dream about me tonight okay? I love you and I miss you like crazy. Good night love.

xoxo

-Your baby girl

Sunday, May 2, 2010

12 Years Old Letter - Kisses From Angels Above

Hello all! So I LOVE this idea by Janae @ Pink Moss. She is currently working on a project called, "In My Daughter's Eyes." A little bit about the project: her goal is make a book of 100 letters in which women write to their 12 year old selves. The project is for her six beautiful daughters and wants the letters to be about the advice you would have given yourself to find happiness and real beauty. To become a part of this project and for more information, click here!

Here is my letter (so far). I still want to work on it a little bit more:

Dear 12 Year Old Beautiful Self-

I know this is a very hard time for you. Life for you is starting to shift and you don’t know how to handle things. With new friends coming and old friends left behind, remember: always be yourself! Not the person that you think everyone likes. You are human; you don’t have to always put on the tough act.

When you find yourself in a situation that makes you want to run away, because you think it will help, don’t run. Face the problem head on. You are a strong woman! God will help you get through any situation – lean on him for strength and wisdom.

Remember to always know your self-worth. There will be many boys that will come along and test you. Don’t fall into their traps. You’ll know what they "really" want by the little voice in your head – listen to it! Don’t second guess yourself.

When you lose someone very dear to you, don't blame yourself. There is nothing you could have done to change the situation. Know that he is in Heaven and finally at peace.

Look into the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful every day and most importantly, believe it! Those freckles along your nose are kisses from angles above. And those eyes that you think aren’t so special, will become one of your favorite features. When you see yourself and start to critique your nose, don't be hard on yourself. You'll soon find a picture of your great grandmother that you love and miss so much, and see that you have her nose! This will then become your second favorite feature.

Don’t ever be ashamed of your height. You are taller than most girls, but that’s okay. Walk with your head held high and your shoulders back. Have confidence in your body and know that the girls in the magazines aren’t real. Everyone has imperfections. The things that make you stand out from everyone else are the things that make you, you. Be proud of those things.

Stay close to your brother. He is only trying to protect you. He loves you. Don’t waste moments on fighting about little things. Become close with him and be there for him when he needs you the most. He has had things very hard in his life.

Don’t look for love. Let God fulfill His plan and He will bring you someone when the time is right. When you meet him, love him for who he is. Cherish the little moments, because they will go by fast. Do devotions together and listen to each other’s needs. You are not always right and it’s okay to make mistakes. He will love you for who you are and that will be one of the things that makes you realize it’s okay to be you and that he’s the one.

Go for your dreams. Sing out loud. Love like crazy.


With love,
Your older (and wiser) self
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