The last couple of days have been weird for me. My emotions are all over the place so I figured I was just going to write and see where it takes me:
On Saturday night, Mister and I started talking about wedding things - colors, time of year - little stuff like that. We agree on the time of year, but let me tell you, color ideas are all over the place! I know we have a lot of time to think this one through, but I have to ask you all this - how did you come up with your colors? Was it a joint decision or did you just basically say this is it hope your okay with it? haha. I know we're not engaged yet, but its going to happen so we can talk about these things :) I don't want to do the traditional Marine wedding where red, blue and white are our colors. We want the day to be about us, not the military - especially since Mister is planning on getting out once his time is up.
Speaking of engagements... Mister and I agreed that we are both ready. Orgininally we were going to wait because of fighting problems, but we have worked on all of that a lot and figure that its minor things that we can continue to work on. It's nothing that would make us say, "I don't want to be with you anymore." I'm excited to make this step in our relationship, but a little nervous about my parents. They'll say yes (I told him he has to ask for their permission hehehe), but I know it will be hard for them to see "their baby little girl" grow up. Not much anyone can do about this though!
Ever since I found out about my Marine's new orders, I have been either really excited or really sad. I am beyond happy to know that I will be in his arms again. If you haven't ever experienced a homecoming - let me be the first to tell you that it is by far the most amazing feeling you will ever feel. When I met my Marine for the first time in the airport, I never wanted to let go of him. We had only been talking on the internet for a few months and yet I felt like I had known him my whole life. Best moment of my life. I can't wait to have that moment again! I crave for it and have been for the past seven months. We have about 4.5 months to go still, but I can taste it. Reality is hititng me and he is coming home soon. Oh boy, let me just wipe the tears from eyes right now...
Since he will no longer be based in Japan, his deployments will now be to Afghanistan in a war zone. Excuse my language, but holy scary shit right there! I have been through three deployments with him and expecting our fourth pretty soon, but they haven't been to Afghanistan. It's so scary to me. The thought of what he'll see there floods my mind. I just want to protect him from it all. I want him to have a job of a guy over there that never leaves base and never has to see anything bad, but I know that won't be the case. Im jealous of those whose loved ones does that. I don't want my man coming home a different man - I want him to still be my Mister. War changes people and I have seen its effects first hand. "God, please don't let that happen to my Marine."
It doesnt help that I keep listening to song # 41 on my playlist at the bottom of my blog. It is such a powerful song and I have always loved it - but it's meaning has changed drastically since I've met my Marine. It's funny how that can happen. Before that song was just a song that I liked to sing, but now its fear, tears, worry, and every other emotion and affect that a deployment brings. I think I need to just stop listening for a little while. Let my emotions and feeling settle in.
I just have to remind myself that we don't know a deployment date yet and everything is out of my control. I have to place my worries in God's hand and let his plan unfold. No matter what happens, I have to praise him through it all. I can do this.
1 day ago