My new found USMC Gal friend and I were talking about something yesterday that really stuck with me. It's something that I have felt quite a few times, but have never really talked about before. Maybe this is something that I've kept inside because I didn't realize that its a common thing (at least it's something that my friend and I share). Maybe a part of me was scared that I was the one lacking therefore I felt this way and wanted to bottle it up, because if I lacked in this area, then maybe then I wasn't good enough for him...
You know those times when our man is stressed from work. He's grumpy, tired, nothing is going right and more is being piled up on his plate. He's far away (maybe he's not) and all you want to do is comfort him. So you begin to tell him that you're sorry and that you're there for him if he wants to talk. So he starts talking (or maybe he doesn't because he doesn't want to talk about it) and you give the best advice/encouragement that you can. He's still down and can't just shake what's going on - he needs time. So then what? Well, at this moment in time, I usually feel like what I said wasn't good enough. If only I had said something better than he would be happier. He wouldn't be as stressed or grumpy. I'm suppose to be there for him and I can't physcially be there to make things better (for those times when they are there: my hugs and kisses aren't doing the trick!).
As I was thinking about this scenario that I find myself in at times, I picked up my phone and texted Mister and asked him two simple questions. 1. "When you're down or sad what do I do that helps you the most?" and 2. "Is there something I can do that would help you during those times that I don't do now?" He first asked me why I was asking him that (so I explained) and then he told me his answers. He basically said that being there and offering an open ear is the best thing that I could ever do (both of which I do). He also said that sometimes he doesn't know what would help. He gets so stressed out and so tired that he just needs space and time and needs to be upset.
What I learned yesterday is that even though maybe to me (or even you) listening or being there may not seem like its enough - it really does have more strength and power than we could possibly imagine. Even if after a long heart felt conversation it doesn't seem like there is a huge impact on our man's attitude, deep down it probably felt really good just knowing that you care and are there for them.
I guess the meaning of this post is hopefully to let others know that if you've ever felt like you weren't able to do enough when your man is all stressed with work, you're not alone. I thought that maybe I was, but I've learned that I'm not and that makes me feel much more at ease. It's not you. It's not them. It's more so the situation. Don't be hard on yourself, just be there and offer support - that's all you can do. It may not seem like a lot, but to our man, it means the world.
1 day ago