Friday, December 3, 2010

One Not-So-Crystal-Clear Future

Mister and I talked about things again. What our plans are with school… a little about if we’re still planning on getting married… and what the heck it is we’re going to do.

He is still planning on finishing up his contract so that we can start our life together. When we realized the confusion about school, he brought up the idea of re-enlisting. I know that’s not what he wants so I shot that down right away. It’s weird… if you would have asked me about six months ago if I would rather him re-enlist verses him getting out, I would have been all for him re-enlisting. Now however, I just want him home. I want him safe. It seems like war is popping up all over and it’s absolutely terrifying. It’s selfish, I know. But believe me, if he did want to re-enlist, I’d back him up. I’d be his biggest supporter and be glued to his side where ever that may be. It’s just not what he wants and I’m ok with that.

As far as schooling goes, I have decided to get my photography degree at a local technical college that has an accredited photography degree. The thought of transferring to a private university and collecting at least $60,000 in debt is just not happening. I refuse to do that. I can easily learn photography through workshops and by simply taking pictures. It’s all about practice and getting out there.

Thankfully, next to my technical school there is a nearby community college where Mister can take his generals. With him going there, his credits should transfer no problem – the school is pretty well known for its ability to transfer credits to most universities. Once his generals are done, I’m not sure what’s going to happen. We haven’t really talked about it yet, but I did express my feelings of not wanting to leave Minnesota – not forever at least. My family means everything to me. With my brother having moved out of state a couple of months ago and now their baby girl (me) possibly getting married next year; it just seems like a lot. No one told me that growing up would be scary. I know most people say, “You have to do things for you,” but my family is me. They’ve raised me and have taken care of me every step of the way. They’ve blessed me with more things than I could possibly imagine and have always supported my decisions. Besides God, they are my rock – the foundation that God gave me to help me grow into the person I am today. I don’t want to move out of state for good and be so far away from them. It’s simply just not happening.

So as far as school goes - that’s that.

As for the wedding, well I’m not sure what’s going on. Mister asked me my thoughts about it and I told him straight up, “I want to marry you.” He just hasn’t given me a clear direction of whether or not getting married this fall is still the plan and it’s not something I want to push on him. So I’m just waiting to see what happens. I suppose his leave during Christmas will be a good indicator. If he doesn’t propose then, then I doubt the fall wedding would be on. For now, I’ve stopped looking at wedding ideas online. Just don’t want to right now; simply doesn’t make sense.

Overall, my heart is a little settled. A lot has happened this week (other things not posted) and it’s mounted up to a lot. I’m drained – emotionally and financially. My experience with the Marine Corps and the Verizon cell phone guy has been unpleasant this week and I just want them both to be nice to me from now on. Ha… I’m jokester.

Until next time...


Anonymous said...

Just wanted to add that it is traditionally bad luck for a man to talk about marriage a whole lot (like I did), so chances are the idea isn't in remission, it's in planning. I can't speak of the strength in that idea because I don't know him, but chances are if he's handled his finances well and he's given you any indication that he wants to do it, then you can be expectant.

Anonymous said...

A post that will keep you enlightened and entertained. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks.

Amber said...

Phew, I hate weeks like that that just leave you drained in every aspect. I hope this week is much better for you.

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