Here I am sitting in front of my parent’s laptop about to have an emotional breakdown. The past six months have been a rollercoaster for my family and I. Six days after my birthday my grandpa passed away. He’s lived with emphysema for as long as I can remember due to a missing gene in his lungs. We were expecting him to pass, but I wasn’t able to be by his side because I simply could no longer watch him fight for each breath and listen as his lungs were literally mush. A couple days before he passed, I visited him for a couple hours and just bawled as I sat by his side. The whole time I felt anxious and literally wanted to breakdown. I had to leave. I didn’t want to remember him that way. I believe he understands though. I’m just thankful that the last words I muttered to him were, “I love you,” as I kissed him on his forehead and brushed his gray hair. I just really wish he was here…
I was more than blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life. I know he’s in Heaven now breathing in deep breaths and enjoying his time with his older brother and parents. I love and miss you so much grampy… I know that I will see you again. Watch over our family.
On top of my grandpas passing, I’ve been trying to emotionally prepare for my fiancé deploying, as well as us getting married in less than a month. I wish I could tell you what was going to happen on our wedding day, but I have no clue myself. Therefore: stressed. We’re either getting married at my church or a nearby park. We’re either inviting twenty-six people, twenty-four people, twenty-two people or making it strictly parents and us (therefore, eight people). We’re either skipping on a reception or going to a nearby restaurant and hopefully keeping the bill under $600. Basically we’re all either going to go bald from stressing so much or go bald from literally pulling out our own hair. No joke.
I can fully understand why people elope. I get it. I don’t think I could do it without my parents, but I understand why anyone would want to just go off, get married, and not worry what anyone else thinks or says. Weddings are so much stress although most of it I think we bring upon ourselves. At least, that’s what I’m starting to think. I’m beginning to not care what anyone else thinks. I just want to be married already…
& so the emotional breakdown continues.
4 days ago